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Archive for June, 2011

The “Make Us Gasp” Contest Winners Are…

By Tracey Minella

June 30th, 2011 at 1:44 am

Well, this sure was a tough contest to call!

There were so many absolutely jaw-dropping comments that it was all we could do to refrain from hunting down the morons who uttered them and hurting them on your behalf! But in the interest of a civilized society, we held back and hope that karma does it thing.

The five (5) winners will each receive the Invisible Loss CD and a VISA gift card. In addition, they (along with the winners from the April and August contest) will be eligible to win the Grand Prize of a free Micro-IVF cycle, which will be announced on Labor Day!

I’d like to thank everyone who entered. All of your comments were “gasp-worthy”. And they inspired great, supportive dialog here on the blog and on facebook…which is wonderful to see. We’re developing a nice community here and are so glad you are a part of it.

Please remember we have another, different contest coming in the beginning of August, with more winners to crown. It’s going to be our biggest one yet and will be a great, creative challenge for all of you. And as soon as that one’s over, we’ll be announcing the winner of the Grand Prize on Labor Day!

And I have yet another awesome contest in mind to take us into the winter. But I can’t reveal it since I haven’t told Dr. Kreiner just yet. But, hey, I know he’ll be on board with it! Oh, the secret is killing me!

Anyway, enough of all that. You’re here to see who won, right? Well, here are the 5 winning entries (in no particular order and in different font sizes depending on what forum their entry was submitted in), who finished the statement: “THE MOST SHOCKING THING ANYONE EVER SAID TO ME ON MOTHER’S/FATHER’S DAY WAS…”

Jen T


Danny Mack

Stacie Penny

Jenni B

Clerk on Mothers Day –
 Clerk:  No kids? Well, they say the problems in this life are a direct result of our actions from a previous life.
Me: …Great, I feel better knowing I’m to blame.  Does that explanation make you feel better about your inability to think before you speak?

As a pre-K teacher, I was hosting a mother’s day workshop.   I was given the pity eyes and told “Imirtz Hashem” by you, at the right time but very soon!”  (Imirtz Hashem being translated from Hebrew to English as G-d’s will.)   Now here comes the shocker, another parent saw I felt embarrassed and said to me, “I think you should give her the same “chizuk” (inspiring words), umm the next time you happen to see her at funeral!!!”

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The most shocking thing anyone ever told me on Father’s Day was, "Why should I wish YOU a happy Father’s Day? They’re not your REAL kids, you’re only a STEP Father!"  …and no, I never spoke to him again… 

Thanks for the therapy session. I haven’t told many people about that….although HE should be the one embarassed, not me.

"…You have rotten eggs anyways!…" WTH?!?!

The worst thing anyone has ever said to me on Mother’s Day… as I was hosting 40 people for Mother’s Day dinner my sister in law told me how it must be nice to have so much time on your hands to do what I want to do and how she has to prep everything once her four kids go to sleep.

Anyone who won needs to contact Lindsay by email at to claim your prizes. In our last contest, one winner failed to follow the rules regarding timely claiming her prizes and another winner was chosen in her place!

Thanks again to all who entered and to all who help make this blog the supportive place it is. Please watch for new contests and feel free to suggest topics for future posts. This is your space.

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Last but not least, I always do something special on the last day of the month for the guys, but this month I had to do it a day sooner. But it sure was special…I got you guys hooked up with a guilt-free GNO (guys night out!) Well, it won’t be a man-cave thing, but I promise you’ll love it! I feel the testosterone in the air already!

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New “Just for Guys” Support Group at ECF!

By Tracey Minella

June 29th, 2011 at 12:00 am

You asked for it and we listened. (Shout out to Peter!)

And we’ll keep on listening! (That’s the whole point, isn’t it?)

East Coast Fertility is proud to announce the formation of a brand new support group, exclusively for the guys. No wives allowed! I think it’s a first on Long Island! (That’s so like us!)

Under the gentle guidance of ECF’s own Bina Benisch, M.S.,R.N …well-known for her awesome work with our female patients… the men will now get to openly explore their own feelings about being part of an infertile couple. C’mon guys, haven’t you always been jealous that the ladies had a place to go talk about everything that’s driving them crazy…including you? Well, now you can do the same.

Venting is healthy, especially when moderated by a professional. It’s time to let out those feelings. Stress isn’t good for the boys. You don’t talk about this stuff with the guys at the office or the gym, right? Even your brothers don’t get it. And you keep it from your partner because you don’t want to further burden her or seem weak, right? So noble…but so wrong. Your feelings count, too!

This is your chance to become part of something that can only help you get through this infertility journey. It doesn’t matter if the diagnosis is male factor or something else. All guys are welcome.

You’ll help yourself understand your feelings. You will bond with other men who are living with the same pain. You may even make some new friends. Can’t you see it now? A bunch of like-minded guys one-upping each other with stories of their wives’ hormonal outbursts. No one’s gonna judge you here.

The meetings will be held twice a month, every other Tuesday night, from 6:30 pm until 7:30 pm at the Plainview office. Please contact Bina Benisch at to register and for more information. There is no fee and no commitment.

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Can I get a “Woo-Hoo” from either the interested guys…or the wives who will be forcing them to go? Come on now. Let’s not have Peter stuck talking to himself…

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PCOS: The Other Pearl Necklace

By Tracey Minella and David Kreiner MD

June 28th, 2011 at 12:00 am

There’s nothing at all sexy about PCOS, except perhaps its naughty nickname. In fact, some women who suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome are not only fertility-challenged (by tiny ovarian cysts appearing like a string of pearls on an ovarian sonogram), but may be cursed with any number of other annoyances, including facial hair and acne and extra poundage. Guh-reat.

Dr. Kreiner explains PCOS, its affect on your ability to conceive, and the way its fertility roadblocks can be overcome at East Coast Fertility:

PCOS is the most common hormonal disorder of reproductive age women, occurring in over 7% of women at some point in their lifetime.  It usually develops during the teen years.  Treatment can assist women attempting to conceive, help control the symptoms and prevent long term health problems.

The most common cause of PCOS is glucose intolerance resulting in abnormally high insulin levels.  If a woman does not respond normally to insulin, her blood sugar levels rise triggering the body to produce more insulin.  The insulin stimulates your ovaries to produce male sex hormones called androgens.  Testosterone is a common androgen and is often elevated in women with PCOS.  These androgens block the development and maturation of a woman’s ovarian follicles preventing ovulation resulting in irregular menses and infertility.  Androgens may also trigger development of acne and extra facial and body hair.  It will increase lipids in the blood.  The elevated blood sugar from insulin resistance can develop into diabetes.

Symptoms may vary but the most common are acne, weight gain, extra hair on the face and body, thinning of hair on the scalp, irregular periods and infertility.

Ovaries develop numerous small follicles that look like cysts hence the name polycystic ovary syndrome.  These cysts themselves are not harmful but in response to fertility treatment can result in a condition known as Hyperstimulation syndrome. 

Hyperstimulation syndrome involves ovarian swelling, fluid accumulating in the belly and occasionally around the lungs.  A woman with Hyperstimulation syndrome may become dehydrated increasing her risk of developing blood clots.  Becoming pregnant adds to the stimulation and exacerbates the condition leading many specialists to cancel cycles in which a woman is at high risk of developing Hyperstimulation.  They may also prescribe aspirin to prevent clot formation.

These cysts may lead to many eggs maturing in response to fertility treatment also placing patients at a high risk of developing a high order multiple pregnancy.  Due to this unique risk it may be advantageous to avoid aggressive stimulation of the ovaries unless the eggs are removed as part of an in vitro fertilization procedure.

A diagnosis of PCOS may be made by history and physical examination including an ultrasound of the ovaries.  A glucose tolerance test is most useful to determine the presence of glucose intolerance and diabetes.  Hormone assays will also be helpful in making a differential diagnosis.

Treatment starts with regular exercise and a diet including healthy foods with a controlled carbohydrate intake.  This can help lower blood pressure and cholesterol and reduce the risk of diabetes.  It can also help you lose weight if you need to.

Quitting smoking will help reduce androgen levels and reduce the risk for heart disease.  Birth control pills help regulate periods and reduce excess facial hair and acne.  Laser hair removal has also been used successfully to reduce excess hair.

A diabetes medicine called metformin can help control insulin and blood sugar levels.  This can help lower androgen levels, regulate menstrual cycles and improve fertility.  Fertility medications, in particular clomiphene are often needed in addition to metformin to get a woman to ovulate and will assist many women to conceive. 

The use of gonadotropin hormone injections without egg removal as performed as part of an IVF procedure may result in Hyperstimulation syndrome and/or multiple pregnancies and therefore one must be extremely cautious in its use.  In vitro fertilization has been very successful and offers a means for a woman with PCOS to conceive without a significant risk for developing a multiple pregnancy especially when associated with a single embryo transfer.   Since IVF is much more successful than insemination or intercourse with gonadotropin stimulation, IVF will reduce the number of potential exposures a patient must have to Hyperstimulation syndrome before conceiving.

It can be hard to deal with having PCOS.  If you are feeling sad or depressed, it may help to talk to a counselor or to others who have the condition.  Ask your doctor about support groups and for treatment that can help you with your symptoms.  Remember, PCOS can be annoying, aggravating even depressing but it is fortunately a very treatable disorder.

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Infertility and Legal Gay Marriage in New York

By Tracey Minella

June 27th, 2011 at 12:00 am

“Welcome to the 90’s Mr. Baaaaanks,” said the loveable, flamboyant, effeminate wedding planner, Franck, in the smash hit Father of the Bride.

This weekend, after the news that New York voted to legalize gay marriage sank in, I smiled at the thought of so many good friends and family members who could now finally sanctify their unions the way straight couples always could.

I think it’s one of those changes that we all felt was ultimately going to happen, yet was so long in coming, that when we look back on this vote in 20 years, we’ll wonder what took so long. What was the big deal? Why wasn’t it always this way?

I picture my future grandkid (if I live that long since it took me so long to have my IVF kids!) saying “Really? Gays couldn’t marry when you were young, Grandma?”  The way my daughter asked her own Grandmother last night, “Really Nana? Whites couldn’t marry blacks and Catholics didn’t marry Jews?” And if we went far enough back in time, we’d find generations asking “Really? You didn’t have the right to vote, Grammy?” (Let’s hope those grandkids will also ask us “You mean infertility treatment wasn’t covered back then!”)

Change is inevitable. We evolve. Technology progresses. Sometimes decisions need to be made based on nothing more than looking in your heart and doing what your heart says is the right thing. Too often, it doesn’t happen that way. New York looked in its heart this time. Or at least I choose to see it that way.

I am happy to have raised one of the most accepting, loving, teenage Catholic daughters you’d ever meet. And I think kids today are more tolerant overall. Labels of our generation (or our parents’)… blacks, gays, Jews and a host of other often derogatory terms for the rest of society’s melting pot members… don’t even register for my daughter, a fun-loving theater kid with several gay friends. Those realities mean no more to her than hair or eye color.

I can’t wait for the gay wedding showers and celebrations to come! And it’s a perfect time of year. And then, yes then, the babies will follow. And that’s where we come in.

At least the gay population will not now have to suffer an additional 50 years waiting for the technology to help them become parents? East Coast Fertility has been helping gay folks get pregnant for ages already. And we’re waiting for you as soon as you get back from that honeymoon!

Maybe I’ll put on my screenwriter’s cap. I think it’s time to get Martin Short on the phone. Fathers of the Brides will no doubt be coming to the big screen.

“Welcome to the 10’s, Misters Baaaaanks.”

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Do you think New York got it right? Do you …as someone who has been denied your own important dream …sympathize with the gay population? Or do you see a down side to gay marriage? How does it affect you?

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Should You Disclose an Egg or Sperm Donor’s Identity?

By David Kreiner MD, and Tracey Minella

June 24th, 2011 at 12:00 am

Does the child’s right to know outweigh the donor’s right to privacy? If so, what impact may that decision have on future donors’ decisions to donate…or not? What, if any, restrictions should be placed on revealing the donor’s identity to the child?

Dr. Kreiner of East Coast Fertility examines this controversial issue:

It has been my experience as well as that of others in the field that many individuals conceived through gamete donation are curious about their donor and the donor’s other offspring. They may fantasize about their genetic parent and siblings. They are curious if they look like them and have similar behavioral traits. They want to know why their donor donated. They almost ubiquitously are curious to meet their donor whether they may want to have ongoing contact or not. The degree of interest is variable where some may simply be satisfied with a picture and information, others may feel comfortable with maintaining anonymity whereas still others feel a strong desire to physically meet their donor. These feelings typically change over time and may become more significant during certain stages of life, such as at the prospect of an individual starting their own family.

Donor conceived individuals may be looking to fill in the blanks in their identity. Rebecca Hamilton, conceived through donation, wrote in Behind Closed Doors: Moving Beyond Secrecy and Shame, edited by Mikki Morrissette, “It’s not a ‘Dad’ I’m after. I had a wonderful Dad who raised me. I’m not looking for a replacement. Nor, incidentally, is any other donor-conceived person I have ever met….Wanting to understand one’s genetic roots is a unique longing that remains no matter how great life is going on other levels.”

Universally, it appears that those individuals who were conceived through donation do not look at the donor as a parent. The donor does not replace the role of the parent. Instead having an open relationship with a donor can provide answers to questions many donor conceived individuals have about their own identity.

So how do I answer the question, “Should I help my child find her donor?”

Professionals in the field tell us that based on research, developmental theory, and my own clinical experience, that it is best for parents to be honest with their children about their origins. In some cases I may recommend providing them with options for obtaining information about their donor. Although many sperm banks and egg donor agencies only facilitate anonymous donations. Some sperm banks offer the possibility of working with a donor who is willing to be identified to your child any time after your child turns eighteen. The sperm bank stores data and provides it upon request. Your adult child is the only one in control of this information. If she wants identity information, it is available for her. If she does not desire to know her donor’s identity, the information is never revealed.

However, it is most common at least in the Northeast that a definitive plan is not established at the outset for how a donor’s identity would be released. Most programs maintain strict anonymity. There is no guarantee that this information will be available for their child. A third party, which could be an agency, medical office, or attorney must obtain the information, and a formal contract, signed by the donor, must state when and how identity information will be released to the donor conceived individual.

Ultimately, as future parents it is vital to examine your feelings and concerns regarding disclosure of the donor’s identity. Disclosure of the donor’s identity may affect the donor conceived individual and his sense of self. Though the donor does not replace the parent there is potential for creating friction in the relationship. There is also the donor’s family to consider which will also be impacted by revealing one’s identity to the donor conceived individual. One must weigh the potential benefit of satisfying curiosities with the risk of causing harm to the relationship with the individual’s parents as well the risk of causing harm to the donor’s family.

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What do you think?


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Infertility and the Psychic

By Tracey Minella

June 23rd, 2011 at 12:00 am

Desperate times called for desperate measures. And infertile women can be desperate.

How else would you describe trekking into a creepy, pitch-black, off-the-beaten-path, woodsy area and going into a dilapidated house that looked like every good haunted house should…complete with candelabra? All for the purpose of having a psychic reading done by this recluse and her wild-eyed side-kick sister, who doubled as her creepy butler.

I got her name…first name only…from my cousin’s wife, who swore by her. In fact, she was such a believer in this woman’s psychic abilities that she pretty much ran her life by her predictions. Guess she didn’t see the divorce coming… or maybe she did.

So when you call to make the appointment, she only takes your first name (this was before caller ID) and the name of the person who gave you her number. You have to sit quietly in the darkened sunken converted garage under the watchful eye of the mean sister and await your turn. My friend went first, leaving me plenty of time to reflect on how they’d never find my body out here in the boondocks. “Stink-Eye” takes my cash and leads me in and seats me at a dining room table.

While waiting for the gypsy, I spy among the web-fest a grade school wallet-sized picture taped to a dingy china cabinet. The kid looked familiar. Then I realized why. She was the abducted girl from the newspaper who was locked in an underground dungeon…and freed with a psychic’s help.

Holy mother of pearl!

It doesn’t take a body language expert to pick up on my crossed arms. “So you’re suspicious?”

 I quickly unfold my arms and start to fidget. “No,” I lied, wondering where my friend disappeared to. Then I handed over my wedding ring and something that belonged to my departed mom.

She started to tell me all sorts of personal things she could never have known, real specific things that no one else knew. Ambitions…specific ones. Names of people. The hair was standing up on the back of my freakin neck. She saw the twins I lost. Lots of stuff about my mom. I wanted to run away, and yet I couldn’t get enough. It felt like she opened a portal.

Then, she took my hands in hers and warned me not to open my eyes. So I’m thinking of the Wizard of Oz scene where the traveling con man who becomes the Wizard later is rifling through Dorothy’s basket for clues. But she had my hands and Stink-Eye no doubt had my friend captive someplace.

 Now, I’m going to go inside your body.”

“WTF?!” my mind screams. But I’m too scared to move. Or to peek.

This woman’s voice changes as she begins to tell me specifics about my organs. It was winter so no skin or scars were showing. She told me of broken toes, gall stones, a benign pituitary tumor, and knee problems. Then she told me my left ovary was missing. How the hell could she know?!

Once she “exited”, the session was over since it’s apparently very draining for her as she takes on the pains of my ailments temporarily. She told me as I left that I’d have twins again.

We welcomed our daughter three years later. She’d had a “vanishing” twin.

You decide.

[Special greetings to those stopping by through ICLW…Please enter our contest to win a free Micro-IVF cycle. Go to the June 6th Make Us Gasp Post and enter there!]

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Have you ever visited a psychic about your infertility? Please share your story.

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Is This Stress Making Me Look Fat?

By Tracey Minella and David Kreiner MD

June 22nd, 2011 at 12:09 am

We’ve all got ‘em. Stories of when we blew up at our guys. I don’t mean just normal arguing. I’m talking about ripping him a new one. And he may not even have deserved it this time. But it was those damn hormones…

Dr. Kreiner of East Coast Fertility shares another tale:

I’m racing a 40 foot sailboat in 25 to 30 NNW winds yesterday out of Manhasset Bay. Gear was breaking, sails ripping, we broached twice….nearly did a “death roll” (when the boat gets knocked down and the tip of the mast nearly hits the water). A competitor had a man overboard; the USCG and NCPD were involved with another boat in distress. It was insane. The adrenaline is pumping, the testosterone is flowing and I walk in the door 12 hours after I left and there is Gina.

She is sitting on the couch watching reruns of 90210. I just spent 10 hours engaged in manly man activity in conditions that no one intentionally goes out in and I am hyped to share it with my wife. But nooooo she is on the edge of her seat fully engrossed in a show that went off the air 12 freaking years ago….she knows what happens. Her man just returns from the sea and she cant be bothered, I lose it….I get nuts….she yells back and then without notice gets all weepy.

Suddenly, as quickly as the tears came, they are gone and she is glaring at me with a look that bores right through me and in a voice similar to Linda Blair’s (just as her head does a 360 in The Exorcist) says, “I took 15 *&% &^%$ pills today and 12 of them went in my @#&! vagina, where they still are and I feel like a G*D damn gumball machine….let me put just one in your *@#!% penis.

Man, I spun on my heels thinking, “Why couldn’t that have been me who went overboard?”

This is one husband’s story about living with a woman on hormones. It is not always this dramatic but the stress can be very difficult for a couple and many relationships benefit from professional support when going through fertility treatments.

Imagine dealing with the stress, frustrations and cyclic disappointment couples feel when trying unsuccessfully to start a family. Add to this that your wife is being pumped up with hormones that have the potential to lower her threshold of rationality and sanity. Outbursts of anger directed at especially those closest to them are very common.

Under normal circumstances most of us can control our reactions without letting our emotions get in the way. Hormones can greatly diminish our ability to control our behavior when circumstances become tense and stressful. Hormones have even been used as a defense in murder cases.

My recommendation is to get rid of any guns in the house and not respond to apparent emotional outbursts. This should pass when the cycle is completed and the hormones have faded from the system.

If not…?

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So, what’s YOUR best “blow-up” story? Come on. Confess.

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The Injustice of Infertility

By Tracey Minella

June 21st, 2011 at 12:00 am

Imagine the best dad ever. Maybe he’s yours. Maybe you’re lucky and he’s still here to share Father’s Day with. Maybe you just have the memories.

I have the memories, having lost my dad 15 years ago.

And I have a wonderful Father-in-law who has been critically ill for 3 weeks in an ICU. Sunday was Father’s Day and yesterday was his birthday. For a good week, it didn’t look like we’d still have him. Every day is still a gift.

So, I’ve done a lot of thinking about how wrong it is that such a good man should be in this position. I’m convinced that when his time comes, the only thing that would stand between him and sainthood would be the failure to perform a miracle.

He has always taken care of others and sacrificed without complaint. He is always supportive and loving and patient and kind. He never curses and never gives advice unless asked. He is the perfect father and grandfather and friend. He was our rock when were suffering from infertility. He’s one of those optimists. And he smiles and whistles in the morning. He should live to be 120. Then live another 10 years after that because the world is simply a better place with him in it…even with the whistling.

So it’s just wrong that he… such an amazing father… should be so close to dying. Or that any other amazing father should be in a similar spot or should die leaving young children behind.

And then I think about all the hopeful fathers-to-be out there. Maybe your husband is one of them. I know mine was for many years.

Where is the justice in the world?

Why is it that these wonderful men are delayed or denied their chance to be dads when others, many being less qualified or deserving, get women pregnant easily or even unintentionally?  Why are the dads that would take nothing for granted screwed out of fatherhood? Dads who’d have teas parties and cry at their girl’s recital. Fathers who’d coach little league and suffer over homework with their sons. It doesn’t help that we just passed another Father’s Day…

I’m not naïve. I know too well that death and infertility are realities of life. But sometimes…more than others…it’s too much to bear. I’m not asking for rainbows and unicorns, but is some semblance of a normal life too much to ask?

And as if living in our situation is not hard enough to take, must we be surrounded by morons who make us feel even worse about the hand we’ve been dealt?

If you haven’t already done so, enter ECF’s free micro-IVF contest by sharing the worst infertility-related comment ever made to you by an insensitive jerk. Click here:


Think of it this way: Your baby may be a few clicks away.

Or we can just call it “justice”.

Hang in there, Dad. (And you too, dads-to-be.)

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Clarence Clemons and Infertility

By Tracey Minella

June 20th, 2011 at 12:00 am

This weekend you may have heard of the passing of Bruce Springsteen’s sax player, “Big Man”, Clarence Clemons.

Whenever a celebrity dies, I usually reflect on their legacy. What will they be remembered for most? What causes did they support? How big of a loss will their passing be to society?

For a large segment of the population, die-hard followers of the Boss, this is major. And while I’m more of an Aerosmith and Bon Jovi worshipper myself, I can appreciate the loss of Clemons and the void it leaves in the overall Springsteen experience.

I’d already known of a Springsteen song with lyrics that could be the battle cry of the infertile couple. It’s called Working on a Dream and part of it goes like this:

“I’m working on a dream

Though it can feel so far away

I’m working on a dream

And our love will make it real someday.”

But in further examining the Springsteen portfolio this weekend, I was surprised to learn of another song that’s even more in touch with the roller-coaster ride of infertility. It’s called Tunnel of Love off the album of the same name. (Umm, do they even call them “albums” anymore?)

Anyway, it’s like a happy, loving couple starts life and it’s like a happy carnival, but then it gets twisted and scary and dark. And a fat man on a stool takes their money. The lyrics, which ECF claims no ownership of, go like this:

“Fat man sitting on a little stool
Takes the money from my hand while his eyes take a walk all over you
Hands me the ticket smiles and whispers good luck
Cuddle up angel cuddle up my little dove
Well ride down baby into this tunnel of love.

I can feel the soft silk of your blouse
And them soft thrills in our little fun house
Then the lights go out and it’s just the three of us
You me and all that stuff were so scared of
Gotta ride down baby into this tunnel of love.

There’s a crazy mirror showing us both in 5-d
I’m laughing at you you’re laughing at me
There’s a room of shadows that gets so dark brother
Its easy for two people to lose each other in this tunnel of love.

It ought to be easy ought to be simple enough
Man meets woman and they fall in love
But the house is haunted and the ride gets rough
And you’ve got to learn to live with what you can’t rise above if you want to ride on down in through this tunnel of love.”

What’s up with the fat man on the stool? Surely that’s not the fertility doctor!

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Any of you Springsteen groupies know the intended meaning of this song? Do you think it sounds like it was written with infertile patients in mind? Do you relate to it? Are there other songs that should be on the top 10 list for infertile patients?

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7 Tips to Survive Father’s Day When You’re Infertile

By Tracey Minella

June 17th, 2011 at 12:14 am

We don’t always remember that wanna-be dads are hurting on Father’s Day the way we acknowledge the pain of wanna-be moms. So here’s seven suggestions to help the guys this weekend:

1.  Honor Your Father: If you are lucky enough to still have your father and are close enough geographically, be sure to visit him on Sunday. Sometimes you can get distracted by your own pain and your quest for fatherhood and take your dad being there for granted. Don’t do that. You never know if he will be here next year. And if visiting isn’t possible, be sure to call. Share a favorite memory from childhood. You’ll be glad you did.

2.  Get Proactive:  What can you do today that will help your fertility? Those tight briefs aren’t helping. Switch to boxers. Been meaning to quit smoking, stop drinking, or lose weight? Well, there’s no time like now. How about a long walk for exercise and clearing your mind? Any step you take to live healthier will make you feel better…even on Father’s Day.

3. Consider Charity:  Sometimes helping others less fortunate than we are makes us feel better about our plight and puts things in perspective. Trying to avoid the family barbeque with your 17 nieces and nephews and your 4 pregnant sisters? Why not help at a soup kitchen on Sunday? Or bring some school supplies or toys to a children’s shelter? Good karma never hurts.

4.  Pull the Plug on Procrastination:  What have you put off doing that might be delaying your fertility plan? Is there lab work or other testing you haven’t done? Have you put off the dentist or a medical check-up? Do you need to make vacation time arrangements at work so you can do IVF? And how many times have you tried to tackle the health insurance issues only to put the paperwork down again?

5. Take Care of You:  No one’s feelings are more important than yours and your partner’s. Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position on Sunday (or any day). Avoid people you know will likely upset you, whether intentionally or unintentionally. You must protect yourself.

6.  Positive Imagery:  Take some time alone to remind yourself of your good qualities and the reasons you are going to make a great father someday. Envision it but don’t dwell to the point of sadness. Write down 3 reasons why you will be superdad someday. Trust that it will be.


7. Enter Our Free Micro-IVF Contest:  If you blew off suggestion #5 and somehow found yourself in the company of a moron who said the most shocking and insensitive thing to you (or your partner) about being infertile, turn those lemons into lemonade! Enter the comment in our June contest and you could win one of 5 great prize packages, plus each of the 5 winners becomes eligible to win the Grand Prize of a free Micro-IVF cycle valued at $3,900.00!! Just go to the June 6th blog post right here on the fertility daily or on ECF’s facebook page from June 6th . It’s so quick and easy!

Last year’s contest winner and her husband are celebrating their first Father’s Day on Sunday. Will YOU celebrate yours next year? Why not increase your chances? (You don’t have to use your real name if you prefer anonymity.)

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