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The Injustice of Infertility

By Tracey Minella

June 21st, 2011 at 12:00 am

Imagine the best dad ever. Maybe he’s yours. Maybe you’re lucky and he’s still here to share Father’s Day with. Maybe you just have the memories.

I have the memories, having lost my dad 15 years ago.

And I have a wonderful Father-in-law who has been critically ill for 3 weeks in an ICU. Sunday was Father’s Day and yesterday was his birthday. For a good week, it didn’t look like we’d still have him. Every day is still a gift.

So, I’ve done a lot of thinking about how wrong it is that such a good man should be in this position. I’m convinced that when his time comes, the only thing that would stand between him and sainthood would be the failure to perform a miracle.

He has always taken care of others and sacrificed without complaint. He is always supportive and loving and patient and kind. He never curses and never gives advice unless asked. He is the perfect father and grandfather and friend. He was our rock when were suffering from infertility. He’s one of those optimists. And he smiles and whistles in the morning. He should live to be 120. Then live another 10 years after that because the world is simply a better place with him in it…even with the whistling.

So it’s just wrong that he… such an amazing father… should be so close to dying. Or that any other amazing father should be in a similar spot or should die leaving young children behind.

And then I think about all the hopeful fathers-to-be out there. Maybe your husband is one of them. I know mine was for many years.

Where is the justice in the world?

Why is it that these wonderful men are delayed or denied their chance to be dads when others, many being less qualified or deserving, get women pregnant easily or even unintentionally?  Why are the dads that would take nothing for granted screwed out of fatherhood? Dads who’d have teas parties and cry at their girl’s recital. Fathers who’d coach little league and suffer over homework with their sons. It doesn’t help that we just passed another Father’s Day…

I’m not naïve. I know too well that death and infertility are realities of life. But sometimes…more than others…it’s too much to bear. I’m not asking for rainbows and unicorns, but is some semblance of a normal life too much to ask?

And as if living in our situation is not hard enough to take, must we be surrounded by morons who make us feel even worse about the hand we’ve been dealt?

If you haven’t already done so, enter ECF’s free micro-IVF contest by sharing the worst infertility-related comment ever made to you by an insensitive jerk. Click here:


Think of it this way: Your baby may be a few clicks away.

Or we can just call it “justice”.

Hang in there, Dad. (And you too, dads-to-be.)

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