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Getting Real About Mother’s Day Blues

By Tracey Minella

May 9th, 2015 at 2:05 pm

photo: davidcastillodominici/ freedigitalphotos.net


I want to help and inspire you this Sunday. To mend the raw and broken heart that simply is infertility. To distract you from the emptiness that is Mother’s Day. And from the pain of losses suffered and prayers still unanswered.

But the words don’t come.

I lived it, too, for very many years. The memories are crystal clear. And still the words won’t come to make the worst day of the year any easier. So I’m going to ramble and share some thoughts from the heart.

This journey you’re on, that consumes your life and sucks you dry, will end someday. Yes, it will… even though it feels like it’s been this way forever and that it never will end.  But it has to, if you take the time to think about it. And for many it will end with a family. One built in the way you hoped, or in another way that through your evolution on your journey you will have come to accept. And it will feel like it was meant to be and the heavens will literally feel like they opened up and shone down on you just like in the movies.

But you won’t get these years back. I call the infertility years, “the hole”. It’s nearly a decade that I let some form of family-building consume me. When I look back, it’s an effort to remember the good times because I simply couldn’t allow myself to be happy or force myself to have fun. I let infertility rob me of more than it already had. It stole a decade of my life. Don’t let it do that to you. Trust that you’ll be a parent someday. Believe it. Because if it comes true, which it often does, you will have been able to find some happiness during the waiting years. And if it doesn’t come true, you are no worse off.

Celebrate your own mom on Mother’s Day because she won’t be here forever. Trust me, I know. I lost my mom before I got pregnant and could make her a grandmother. Same with my dad. Put the focus on her on Sunday. If it’s too hard, then see her today. Don’t get so lost in your own desire to be a mom that you forget to somehow celebrate the woman who is your mother.

Want a bit of a distraction? Do this project: Fill a mason jar with memories of your mom. Colorful tiny strips of paper with stories and traditions and qualities that you admire about her. And give it to her. What a priceless gift. Not feeling that? Then make one for yourself (or start a journal) with a list of all your plans and the qualities you hope to have as a mom. Baby names, nursery colors, favorite movies and books you’ll share. Activities you’ll encourage. Traditions you’ll start or continue. Add tidbits about this journey you’re on and how you’re feeling. These are therapeutic projects.

Follow your heart Sunday and do what you need to do to get through the day. Avoid places with children if that’s too hard to bear. Stay up late tonight and sleep extra late (cut that day in half!). Treat yourself in some way.

And listen to that heart as well. It’s telling you more than the grief and fear and frustration is letting you hear. There’s a voice whispering deep inside that makes you get out of bed each and every day, including tomorrow.

If you listen…really listen…it’s telling you that you are a mom-in-waiting. Hear it.

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What are you doing to get through the day? What/who are you dreading most?

 

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Long Island “Brew For the Family” Event- June 4, 2015

Would winning a FREE IVF Cycle door prize help you or a loved one build a family?

Join us on Thursday, June 4th, 2015 from 7:30-10PM at the Long Island Brew for the Family event hosted in partnership with the Tinina Q. Cade Foundation.

We have come together to spread the message that infertility can be overcome! Enjoy a night out and forget the stress of infertility as we sample craft beers at one of Long Island’s premier microbreweries, The Great South Bay Brewery. The evening will include a sampling of 6 beers, guided brewery tours with a master brewer, great food, music, and a silent auction.

Each admission ticket will include one entry into the drawing for a FREE IVF CYCLE* door prize. Be sure to invite your family and friends for even more chances to win, as the prize is transferrable.

To purchase tickets and learn more about this event please visit: www.librewforthefamily.eventbrite.com.

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Long Island IVF-WINNER: Best in Vitro Fertility Practice 2015

It is with humble yet excited hearts that we announce that Long Island IVF was voted the Best In Vitro Fertility Practice in the Best Of Long Island 2015 contest.

The doctors, nurses, embryologists, and the rest of the Long Island IVF staff are so proud of this honor and so thankful to every one of you who took the time to vote. From the moms juggling LIIVF babies… to the dads coaching LIIVF teens…to the parents sending LIIVF adults off to college or down the aisles… to the LIIVF patients still on their journeys to parenthood who are confident in the care they’re receiving…we thank you all.

We love what we’ve gotten to do every day more than 27 years…build families. If you are having trouble conceiving, please call us. Many of our nurses and staff were also our patients, so we really do understand what you’re going through. And we’d like to help.

 

 

Photo credit:  http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/Gestures_g185-Depressed_Woman_Sitting_On_Floor__p99322.html

 

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