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Mars, Venus, Uranus, and Father’s Day: An Infertility Lesson

By Tracey Minella

June 19th, 2015 at 10:03 am

 

Credit: vectorolie/ freedigitalphotos.net


Forget “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus”. On days like Mother’s and Father’s Day, it’s more like “Fertile folks are from… Uranus”.

What? I meant they’re cold and distant and full of gas, of course!

Well no matter what planet they’re from, most infertile folks would rather be light years away from them on such difficult days. But since you can’t strap a rocket on their backs and send them into the stratosphere, how can you stop fertile folks from making Father’s Day even harder?

First, recognize that there is some truth to the Men/Mars and Women/Venus thing. We are different. At the risk of being accused of sexism here, what pushes women’s emotional and hormonal buttons may not have the same reaction in most men. Women in groups often talk about kids and babies and family stuff—things that are like daggers in the heart to infertile women. However, men have been known to retreat to their “man caves” to talk about “manly” things like sports or business or landscaping—things far removed from baby talk. Men seemingly let more roll off their backs. That said men may also hold their pain in.

So while your hearts in the right place with that secret plan to isolate him on Father’s Day, consider that he may actually enjoy being with the right group of guys, throwing back a cold one and flipping burgers on the grill. Or having a game of wiffle ball. Or watching a ballgame. Or fishing. So you need to really ask him what he wants to do. He may want to be alone with you, or really alone– without you. Remember how you wanted your wishes respected on Mother’s Day? Well, try to understand his now. And here’s the hard part: You may get stuck in the ladies’ chat room in order to give him what he needs on Sunday.

But either way, you should spend some time alone together on Sunday night to make sure he knows he can let his feelings out to you. And to celebrate having gotten through the day. Maybe even to look up at the night sky and make a wish…on Uranus.

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What are you doing on Father’s Day this year? Share your plans to help others who aren’t decided.

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