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Archive for the ‘IVF parent’ Category

You WILL Survive Your IVF Baby Leaving for College or Kindergarten

By Tracey Minella

September 6th, 2017 at 4:52 pm


T. Minella

By now, just about all college kids have checked in for the new school year. And the little ones started school yesterday and today on Long Island. So, all across the country there are moms and dads feeling the sting…or rather, the devastation…of saying good-bye to their babies.

But IVF parents have it worse. We love harder.

There, I said it.

It’s not that we are better parents (okay I’m lying because I think we kind of are better), but we love differently. That’s entirely because we faced the frightening reality of never becoming parents. We don’t take parenthood for granted. We worked for it. It’s something the fertile folks won’t ever understand and it doesn’t just disappear after the infertility battle is won. It’s a part of us and is always there. It often manifests itself in over-protectiveness and over-involvement. From triple-checking the baby is still breathing, to fearing sleepovers or letting others watch or drive our kids, to tracking their iPhones and monitoring their social media, the vigilant watch unfolds until one day…poof…they are gone.

First, it’s kindergarten, where you are handing them off to another adult for the better part of the day. It’s not all unicorns, rainbows, and “ready confetti”. Stressing over things like whether they will do well academically, make friends, eat alone, be included at recess, or get bullied is normal. Major stuff.

Blink and you will be dropping them off at the dorm—maybe in another state—and wondering where the heck all the years went? Wasn’t it just yesterday that life was all blood work and sonograms? How did it all fly by so fast? Did I do a good enough job? Is my job over? Are they prepared? How will I make until Parent’s Weekend or Thanksgiving without seeing my baby? I want a do-over!

So, here is the deal…

To the kindergarten parents: You will adjust. And you will be amazed at how your baby learns and grows and makes friends. They are ready, even if you are not. It will be fine. They will come home and tell you about their day at school and you will sit in wonder at this little person you created. And there will still be plenty of hours in the day to hover over them and teach them to navigate their new wonderful world. It’s going to be okay. I promise. (Still need to feel better? Read on for the college version.)

To the college freshman parents: You will adjust. True, when someone told me that a year ago as I sent my first IVF baby off to college in Virginia, I admit that I smiled and nodded politely but I secretly thought to myself “Nope, you’re an idiot.” (Look, those moments of “mom desperation” when your baby is moving 8 hours away can bring out the worst in us. Am I right?)

But really, somehow, life does go on without them home. I know it is unimaginable (and that you’re thinking I’m an idiot). It’s truly unthinkable. And the hole in your heart and life is so big, raw, and real right now. I get that completely. But as they start this next big phase on their own, you will marvel at their ability to juggle it all. Watch in pride as they begin “adulting” based on the foundation you gave them. The schoolwork, activities, eating, even the occasional laundry. All mostly on their own now. They will thrive in the place they feel they belong—which will become a second home to them in time as new friendships bloom.

But they will still need you and they will reach out for advice–and money– so look forward to those moments to come. And with your heart in your throat, keep on them (gently but firmly) about the parties and your expectations of them as they adjust to their newfound freedom. They’ll make the friends who will be their friends for life, and maybe even meet their soulmate. Look forward to seeing them at Parent’s Weekend. You will be amazed at how they’ve grown. And Thanksgiving will have a whole new meaning this year.

I’ve been in your shoes and I know you can do this. You are going to make it. Things are different and sad. Change is hard, but it can be good. And it will be good. Just maybe not today.

So, let them fly. (Really, let go of their foot.)

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With decades of miracles behind us, Long Island IVF parents have sent countless numbers of babies off to school (and some down the aisle!). Feel free to pics of your baby’s back-to-school pics.

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Long Island IVF Seminar on Family-Building for the LGBT Community

By Tracey Minella

June 27th, 2017 at 11:36 am

Long Island IVF has been celebrating LGBT Pride all month long beginning with again sponsoring LI Pridefest. We’ve helped the LGBT community become parents for decades. So, what better way to close out Pride month than with an info-packed evening of everything you ever wanted to know about LGBT family-building options. If you’re thinking about having a baby and want to know all the ways we can help you pursue that dream, come down and meet us!

We’ve partnered up with the LGBT Network to bring you a quality LGBT family-building seminar on Thursday, June 29, 2017 from 6:30-8:30 pm at the Long Island IVF Melville office located at 8 Corporate Center Drive, Melville, New York.

In about two hours, the speakers at our seminar will answer everything you ever wanted to know about today’s many LGBT Family-Building options. One of our reproductive endocrinologists, Dr. Steven Brenner, along with other key Long Island IVF team members will introduce you to the fascinating world of assisted reproductive technology and specifically how it’s used to help the LGBT community become parents. In addition, Melissa Brisman, owner and founder of Reproductive Possibilities will be there.

LGBT family-building is different in many ways from so-called “traditional” family-building. As a practice made up of both LGBT and non-LGBT employees, we truly understand the nuances that make your parenthood quest unique to you, whether you are gay, lesbian, transsexual, bi-sexual, or queer. Believing that everyone has the right to become a parent, LIIVF is committed to using the best available medical technologies to help you overcome or circumvent biological obstacles to parenthood.

Whether we met at LI Pridefest this month and you’d like to learn more about our LGBT Family Building program at Long Island IVF, or this is the first time you’ll be meeting us, we hope you’ll join us and the LGBT Network at our Melville office to learn about the many ways we can help you achieve your dream of parenthood.

For more information and to register for this free event, please click here.

Need to reach someone? You can email

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Will you be attending the “Building Families in the LGBT Community” seminar? Do you have any specific questions or particular topics you want to see covered?


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Long Island IVF’s Annual Family Event is Coming!

By Tracey Minella

October 12th, 2016 at 6:26 pm


LIIVF Doctors at the 2014 Family Event

With an overwhelming feeling of thanksgiving in the cool autumn air, we’re eagerly preparing for Long Island IVF’s Family Event…a celebration of the births of our newest batch of special babies. We’re looking for the IVF, IUI, or other babies we’ve had a humble hand in helping to make their debut.

If you haven’t heard of it, the reunion is a fun-filled, camera-clicking day where our proud new parents show off their little miracles and our doctors and staff get to meet the latest additions to the LIIVF family.

We know it may be hard to hear about this event if you’re still on your journey to parenthood. And we’re very sorry for that, and look forward to seeing you at a future event real soon. But we want to be sure we haven’t missed any patient who is eligible to attend this year…

So… if your special little bundle was born between January 1, 2014 and today, please email Lindsay Montello at  so we can put you on the invitation list. (And if your baby’s older and you missed the last reunion…or you just really, really want to come this year, please email Lindsay anyway!) This call to action is to ensure that we don’t miss any patient who had a baby during this time frame, so please don’t assume we have your most recent contact information—drop us a quick confirming email so you’ll get your invitation.

Meanwhile… SAVE THE DATE. This year’s event will be held on Friday, November 11, 2016 from noon until 2:30 pm! More exciting details will come in your invitation.

Here’s a bit of nostalgia and Long Island IVF history: Back in the old days, the reunion was held outside the old Long Island IVF office in Port Jefferson, behind Mather Hospital. As the years went on and the babies multiplied quickly, we needed a huge fire truck with a soaring bucket to take our group photo of all the parents and their babies. Shortly after the 10th reunion, space limitations unfortunately necessitated limiting the attendees to the most recent crop of newborns.

We’re so looking forward to seeing you again and meeting your new little pumpkins!

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Have you been to a reunion? What’s the best part?


Thanks to all our wonderful patients who repeatedly nominate us and vote us in as Long Island’s “Best In Vitro Fertility Practice”.

After winning the title for 2015 and 2016, LONG ISLAND IVF was again nominated BEST IN VITRO FERTILITY PRACTICE in the Long Island Press’s “Best of Long Island 2017” contest. If you’d like to vote to help us win, you can vote once per day from now through Dec 15 here:

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My IVF Baby Left for College

By Tracey A. Minella

August 28th, 2016 at 7:28 am


credit: T Minella

And just like that, she was gone.

How is it that the six year infertility journey dragged so slowly and these 18 years flew by so fast?

Infertility never left me completely. It impacted my parenting experience in ways I couldn’t have imagined. In those first few weeks, I never left the couch. I literally held her all day long—asleep or awake—trying to process that she really was here at last.

Yes, I was THAT mom. Totally and non-apologetically over-protective. I was the last mom to let her stay all night at a sleepover. The one who grilled the hosts about teenage brothers, the house alarm system, the escape route in case of fire, Fido’s dog bite history, hunting rifles in the house, well, you get it. I wore the “Seatbelt Nazi” title with pride when reluctantly allowing my precious cargo into the cars of other parents. I promise I wasn’t crazy—just ever mindful of the gift she is and always fearful of losing this dream come true.

Life after infertility isn’t always “happily ever after”-even with a princess in your arms. Like all good fairy tales, there are also villains and drama, but a mom who slayed the infertility dragon can face anything, right? There were good times and challenging ones, milestones and accomplishments. We were just a happy, regular family. We hosted endless kid’s gatherings, mother-daughter tea parties, huge Halloween parties, Christmas cookie baking days, and super unique birthday parties. I was the Girl Scout leader, class mom, and all-around volunteer. Countless memories were captured on camera in pictures I already look longingly back on just two weeks after she’s gone away.

“Let her fly!”

I hate that expression. Not only because she’s not a bird, but because she’s my girl and she’s 7 hours away and I miss her. I’m so happy for her and so proud of her, but her life—as wonderful as it promises to be—is diverging from mine, and it’s hard to let go even if that’s the natural order of things and even though she’s at the perfect school for her and is adjusting well. I recently read a great description somewhere about the feeling of loss after college drop-off…that it’s not a tragedy or a death, but it’s not nothing either.

It’s definitely not nothing.

credit: T Minella

I’ve noticed parallels between the infertility years and the college send-off experience in the concepts of time, loss, emotions, and hope.

Time drags when you’re trying to conceive and also crawls when you’re staring down a calendar awaiting Parents’ Weekend at college or trying to fill the hours you spent each day for the last 18 years being needed for food, clothes, hugs, or rides by that now-missing child. Still two flips of the calendar to go before I see that sweet face again.

There’s the emptiness that washes over you during each loss or failed attempt to conceive and each fearful thought– that you don’t even want to whisper to the universe– that you’re not sure if you will ever have a baby. And then there’s the emptiness when life takes your child far away, even if it’s on to bigger and better things for them because it changes the role you suffered so long to earn and that you’ve cherished from the moment she took her first breath. Now, there’s a life being made without you in it, with friends you don’t know and experiences you’re not sharing. And it’s all good for her, yet it still hurts as you learn to step back to a daily life without that child, or perhaps any child, in it.

A wave of second-guessing hits a mom facing college drop-off as she uneasily asks herself, “Was I a good enough mom?”, remembering those promises to be “the best mother ever” that she made in those long-ago bargains with a higher power or the universe. She reflects on those times she wasn’t perfect, yearning for a do-over. With misplaced guilt, she hopes her child will forgive any missteps that derailed the plan to deliver a childhood so magical that Disney would have to up its game just to keep up. She hopes her now-grown child will reflect on her childhood as being maybe not perfect, but perfect for her.

Today I’ll confess that part of me is jealous of those of you whose miracles haven’t arrived yet because I know the 18 years of pure joy, love, and wonder that is likely on its way to you if you stay the course. And for those making childhood memories now, I have only two words of advice: Don’t Blink! Those old people I once gave imaginary eye-rolls to were right about the speed of time. I’m so thankful and honored for every minute of this blessing so far.

For every one of you who has sent your miracles off into the world, congratulations on surviving what may have been one of the hardest losses you’ve faced since trying to conceive them. Believe it will get easier, as those who managed this transition before us promise. Trust that they know the depths of your love for them, your pride in them, and your gratitude for being the one chosen to parent them. And as we’ve done since the journey to conceive them began, look forward with hope to the blessings the future will bring.

And to the inevitable phone calls asking for money.

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Long Island IVF Babies– Grown and Flown!

By Tracey Minella

August 12th, 2016 at 5:51 pm


image credit: T. Minella

These days are pretty emotional around the office as the Long Island IVF babies of a few of the current and former staff are going off to college and military academies!!! Imagine that. We’ve been making IVF babies so long here—since 1988– that a bunch of our babies are flying the coop all at once! It seems we were all just pregnant together, nearly 18 years ago. (Good luck Tori, Eric, and Nicolette!)

Maybe yours are leaving, too?

Or maybe they’re starting kindergarten. Or you just brought them home from the hospital. Or maybe you’re pregnant at last and waiting with baited breath for the big arrival. Or you’re currently in treatment and hopeful during the two week wait.

All those moments seem like just yesterday…*sigh*

Consider sharing your Long Island IVF baby moments! After all, we’re all family.

Please join us as we share these milestones on social media. Whether you’re a Facebook fan, or love to Tweet, or are heavily into Instagram, we’d love it if you’re comfortable sharing your posts and pics on our social media accounts– so just tag us if you’d like to share your pride and joy.


Twitter: @Longislandivf

Instagram: @liivf

These photos and shared experiences give hope to current and prospective patients that they will have their miracles and their lifetimes of shareable moments, too. Too often, we see the babies shortly after birth and then life gets in the way. We’d  love to see our your babies more often, especially when they are celebrating milestones.

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What’s your little miracle up to?


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Long Island IVF Supports PFLAG

By Tracey Minella

September 4th, 2015 at 6:15 pm


Dr. David Kreiner, reproductive endocrinologist and co-founder of Long Island IVF…the infertility practice responsible for bringing Long Island its first IVF baby… is excited and honored to be the guest speaker at the upcoming Long Island PFLAG chapter’s September 20th meeting in Commack. His presentation will be on “Fertility Options for Same Sex Couples”.


Since its inception in 1988, Long Island IVF has been committed to the belief that all people have the right to have a family. We have a proud history of supporting LGBT family-building in a way that is sensitive to the unique needs of the community. We go beyond LGBT-friendly…several of our staff members are part of the community. And our experienced psychologist, Bina Benisch, MS, RN, is also the caring and sensitive mother of an adult transgender child. So, we’ve got you covered.


If you are a member of the LGBT community…or a parent or loved one of a member…please come down and meet Dr. Kreiner. He will address all of your questions regarding the many fertility preservation and family-building options for the LGBT community.


Date: Sunday, September 20, 2015

Time: 2:00 pm

Place: Suffolk Y JCC

74 Hauppauge Rd. Commack, New York

For more information, call PFLAG at 631-462-9800


If you can’t wait until then to meet Dr. Kreiner, you can also attend Long Island IVF’s upcoming event, “An Evening of Holistic Approaches to Fertility”, on September 15th at our Melville office. Details are available on our website here:

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Do you have any questions for Dr. Kreiner in advance of the PFLAG presentation?



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Shouldn’t Infertility Be Enough Anguish for One Lifetime?

By Tracey Minella

July 25th, 2015 at 10:30 am

photo credit: Corrie Tolliver

When I was battling infertility…for seven long years…there was an ever-present pain that hovered at a level just shy of being too great to get out of bed in the morning.

This smoldering ember that burned in my gut frequently “flared” when fanned by things like failed IVFs, miscarriage, or even bridal showers. There were many times when the pain seemed too much to bear. Times when I’d think to myself that nothing in life could be harder than infertility. Nothing could be worse than the lack of control and the worry over the possibility that (dare I speak it) maybe there would not be a baby at the end of the journey. As I lived it, that’s how I saw it. And no one would have convinced me otherwise.

I remember thinking, as many of you may, that infertility should be enough anguish for one couple to bear in one lifetime. That the resolution of infertility…whether happy or otherwise… should bring a transfer out of the darkness and into a hard-earned lifetime of light. That there should be a freedom from further grief, loss, and pain. That a bubble should forever protect the health, safety, and happiness of the people who took such extraordinary measures to have their babies. This is not to say that these babies are more valuable or more loved than those conceived naturally. It’s just that the parents have already often suffered grief and loss prior to their births. The idea that any harm should befall their children—our children– is incomprehensible.

Doesn’t that seem fair?

But wait. Life is not fair. Oh, how could I have lost sight of the one thing all us infertiles know best? If it were fair, we wouldn’t be infertile in the first place.

If it were fair, no parent would have to bury a child. No matter if that child was conceived naturally or with medical assistance.

When you’re in the business of creating life, the senseless and preventable loss of young lives hits particularly hard.

In the span of a week on Long Island, as a result of two accidents involving alleged drunk/impaired drivers and questionable driver’s judgment, a woman lost her husband and two children in a flaming wreck, and four families lost their young, vibrant, responsible daughters in a limo crash. One of those girls was my cousin.

I’ve been forced to face the fact that there actually are worse things than infertility…and that there are no bubbles to protect anyone’s children from harm. Infertility is without a doubt devastating, but thankfully it may often be overcome. But losing a beloved child can’t be overcome. It’s permanent. And from the anguished sobs of her parents, it’s clear that the depth of that unspeakable grief is bottomless.

Please don’t drink and drive (or text and drive). Slow down. Make better choices.

Every car has someone’s Baby on Board.

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Video Contest for IVF Baby’s College Education Fund

By Tracey Minella

June 26th, 2015 at 6:38 pm


image: vectorolie/

Look, it’s no secret that infertility treatment can be expensive, especially since most insurance companies don’t cover the costs. And until legislation is passed that mandates infertility coverage for all, there will continue to be couples that take on great debt to finance their infertility treatments.

And while they do this they may wonder: How will I ever afford college for this kid?

That thought is quickly dismissed with: Well, what good is a college fund if I can’t have the kid to spend it on?

So, the baby arrives and the grateful couple starts to tackle the debt. But sometimes it can be substantial and take longer than planned. Unexpected life expenses also come up. And before you know it, baby is a teen and you realize the college savings plan got derailed. Or maybe it never even left the station.

Well, the good folks at Ferring® are here to get you back on the right track if you used select brands of their pharmaceuticals to conceive. They are sponsoring a video contest* with a Grand prize of $ 10,000.00 and four additional prizes of $ 4,000.00 each for your miracle baby’s (or babies’) college fund! The deadline is August 31, 2015.

Full details and contest rules are available here:

Wouldn’t a college fund be excellent right about now? Go on, check it out. Two of our patients have won in prior contests. Maybe you could be next?

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Are you going to enter the contest?


*LIIVF is not a sponsor of and is not affiliated with this contest but is merely providing the contest information as a courtesy for interested parties.

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“Synthetic Babies”: The Shot Heard Round the World

By Tracey Minella

March 16th, 2015 at 10:50 pm


Credit: Iamnee/

Can’t we all just get along?

Boycott is the word of the week in the IVF world. In the GLBT world. And the fashion world as well.

Popular gay fashion designers, Dolce and Gabbana (D&G) crossed the line this week with some insensitive comments about GLBT parenting, claiming that children should only be born to a mother and a father.

The comments were apparently made by the designers known for pushing the “traditional family model” (one mom and one dad) as a focus in their fashion campaign. One of the pair reportedly used terms like “children of chemicals”, “synthetic children”, “uterus for rent” and “sperm from catalogs” in slamming the children produced through IVF for the GLBT community.

Leading the boycott charge is pop icon Elton John, who along with his husband David Furnish, are parents of two IVF babies. John responded on Instagram:  “How dare you refer to my beautiful children as ‘synthetic’… And shame on you for wagging your judgemental little fingers at IVF – a miracle that has allowed legions of loving people, both straight and gay, to fulfill their dream of having children.” Then: #BoycottDolce&Gabbana.

Other celebrities, many of whom are gay or lesbian parents who used IVF and/or surrogacy to create their families, quickly jumped on the bandwagon to boycott the designers. Of course, fertility practices and infertility organizations weren’t far behind in expressing their dismay and outrage. The social media world exploded with #BoycottDolce&Gabbana hashtag, and claims that the designers’ mindset was as archaic as their designs. Ouch. People of privilege promised never to buy D&G again.

But what does this mean for the average infertile person who never even heard of D&G before… much less bought their pricey designs or fragrances? Budget-conscious folks, gay or straight, just trying to afford their fertility treatments.

Not much from a practical standpoint.

But let’s look at the silver lining of this storm cloud.

Although it has come a long way over the decades and is widely accepted, IVF has always been… and will always be…criticized by those who feel it is against their religion. Personhood amendments are a threat, but we’re still winning that long, familiar battle. At the risk of being overdramatic, IVF knew who its enemy was. And it was never the GLBT community.

Then D&G happened. To have two openly gay men bash the science that is responsible for giving the GLBT community the ability to become biological parents was just so… unexpected. It caught the breath in our throats. It not only offended heterosexuals, but it outraged the GLBT community. No doubt it felt like a betrayal. And with that handful of insensitive and hurtful remarks, the old sci-fi stigma of “test tube babies” came flooding back to the forefront.


Until it was promptly and forcefully beaten with a stick into the ground with a vengeance.

The swift and deafening response to the attack on gay parenting via IVF was positively electric! The passionate defense of this science and the countless children it’s responsible for creating was beyond heartening. And the collective protective instincts of the many gays and straights who stepped up against this latest enemy of medically-assisted family-building for all came through with all the ferocity of a pride of lions guarding its cubs.

For better or worse, society places great weight on the opinions of celebrities. So while no one will lose sleep over whether or not the boycott bankrupts D&G, this incident has actually helped IVF. Sad and disgusting as it was, the incident has increased public awareness of infertility and incited a “call to arms”, particularly among the GLBT and celebrity communities, in support of the rights of all people to become parents and in support of the science of IVF. And IVF needs all the support it can get.

Stand united against any threat to the science of IVF and its accessibility to all.

#BoycottD&G today.

Boycott the next threat tomorrow.

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Do you boycott companies that threaten your religious, moral, or political beliefs? What do you think about the D&G scandal?

Do you have D&G items you no longer want? Parents Via Egg Donation had a good suggestion: Rather than throwing D&G items in the trash, consider selling them and donating the proceeds to charity or a fertility-friendly organization.


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You Have to See the Baby… at Long Island IVF

By Tracey Minella

January 16th, 2015 at 10:04 am


You Have to See the Baby!

When you’re struggling to conceive, it can be frustrating to hear the ever-present nagging of your friends and family who’ve become new parents. “You have to see the baby!” It’s like being trapped in a Seinfeld episode. Except no one’s laughing.

But “You have to see the baby” can be a good thing, too. Whether you’ve completed your journey to the crib or are still on the way, Long Island IVF has given this phrase new meaning.

Anyone who’s needed medical intervention to build their family knows that while there are ups and downs along the way, the one thing to never lose is hope. Hope sees you through the rough times.

So, we’ve created something wonderful at Long Island IVF: “” Take a peek here . Potential new patients who would like information about Long Island IVF are encouraged to complete the blue contact form on the  page for more information.

The page is a beautiful testimonial of hope, a snapshot of lives in progress, a mosaic of stories of what Long Island IVF’s miracle babies are doing today, up to a quarter century later. Some are in college or getting married. Others are performing at Carnegie Hall and having Sweet Sixteens. Many are enjoying first soccer games and dance recitals. And tons are celebrating milestones like walking, talking, and sleeping through the night.

YouHaveToSeeTheBaby is by you and for you.

We invite our patients to submit your own Long Island IVF children for inclusion. The instructions for submitting are attached at the bottom of this post, so read through to the end.   And if you are still on your journey to parenthood, we hope you will visit YHTSTB and be inspired by the sight of so many lives created by LIIVF. And that your hope is renewed by the vision of your own future addition.

Here are the instructions: Easy Upload Instructions:

If you’d like to submit your child(ren) for inclusion in our photo and profile montage, easy submission instructions are below.

By submitting your child(ren)’s names, photos, and stories you expressly consent to Long Island IVF and its agents using, displaying, and sharing same on its website and social media platforms without providing compensation of any kind.   You realize that submitting these materials for inclusion on our website and social media may result in your child(ren) being recognized as being created through the use of assisted reproductive technologies with the assistance of Long Island IVF and you indemnify Long Island IVF and its agents from any and all claims whatsoever with respect thereto. Submitted content may be edited at the discretion of Long Island IVF, for space or other considerations. Submission of content does not guarantee placement or use on the website or elsewhere. Photos may be removed at any time by Long Island IVF for any reason.

Photos should be non-professional and not subject to copyright (or must be accompanied by a written release by the photographer for this intended use). We are not able to give photo credit to photographers. Photos may only include the featured Long Island IVF child(ren) and should be clear and high definition jpeg photos.

  • To submit your child(ren) for consideration, please provide the following by email or regular mail to :
  • One clear high definition photo of your child(ren) in jpeg format (or if by mail then not to exceed 5×7 size)
  • Your Child(ren)’s name(s):
  • A Short paragraph on your experience with LIIVF (subject to editing)
  • A Short statement about a recent milestone of your child(ren) (subject to editing)
  • Your Full Name(s)
  • Your Signature (or if by email, you must reply to this email consenting to it’s terms)
  • Your contact info (phone number or email or preferably both)


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Have you uploaded your story yet?



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