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Archive for the ‘Pregnancy and Infant Loss’ Category

Several Helpful Resources for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

By Tracey Minella

October 5th, 2017 at 11:31 am

 

image credit: Luminous Light Studio


Unless you are experiencing infertility yourself, you can’t possibly understand its pain. No matter how much your heart breaks for us. You have to live it to get the hell that is infertility.

But there is actually something darker. Something sadder, harder, blacker, more unbearable.

Sometimes, just as you think you can finally glimpse the sun peeking through the darkest forest, you lose your footing and tumble into the blackest hole. To a special section of hell so awful that it forces you to redefine the term.

Ectopic pregnancy. Miscarriage. Stillbirth. SIDS or other infancy loss. Whatever the cause or the timing, the unthinkable has happened… your baby is gone.

How in the world do you possibly go on?

October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month (October 15th is PILA Day) and since infertility patients often suffer these unimaginable losses along their journeys, it’s important to acknowledge the pain and provide some resources to help the suffering try to cope. Like infertility itself, unless you’ve lived it, you can’t relate.

Here are some places where those who have suffered a loss, and those who love them, can start:

Project Heal I cannot say enough about this Baby Loss Community support group, available online and through Facebook. The moderator, Carlymarie, suffered the loss of her son, Christian. She helps people cope (and they help her in return) through photography, writing, beach art, short films, and many other therapeutic ways and projects. She is hosting a month-long “Capture Your Grief” event throughout October in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Here is a blurb from the Capture Your Grief 2017 project:

“…There are 31 acts, one for each day in the month of October. You are invited to perform each act and share a photo, artwork, video or written word that captures your own journey. Capture Your Grief is about becoming more present and conscious in your grief experience so that you may learn more about yourself and hopefully discover more ways of healing…You can join the project at any time of the month and there is no pressure to take part every single day. This year, I am inviting you to create a legacy of loving kindness in memory of your baby/child/love ones. The theme is “Their Light Shines On”.

Her site, which provides all the details, is a “must visit” for anyone who knows someone or who has themselves suffered a loss.

Luminous Light StudioIn addition, consider visiting this site or Facebook page where another artist and bereaved mother, offers support and beautiful artwork. Her history of secondary infertility, miscarriage, and the loss of her son, Silas, inspires her work. She is the creator of the beautiful image that accompanies this blog post.

Still Standing Magazine  This online magazine is exclusively related to “Surviving Child Loss and Infertility”. You can navigate your way through subjects like:  Grief, Infertility, Parenting after Loss, Faith, Siblings’ Grief, Pregnancy after Loss, and more. Everything is written by someone who has somehow survived and is “still standing”.

Molly Bears  This venture was started by an angel mom to comfort other families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss by creating and sharing the gift of a weighted handmade bear.  Recipients of these custom-made keepsakes may find some measure of comfort in having something soft to hold which can be made to order at the specific weight of the infant that was born sleeping or who passed shortly thereafter. Loved ones who are looking to do something for a grieving couple to acknowledge their loss and pain can inquire about a Molly Bear. This organization was started by a woman who was given a 3-pound weighted teddy bear by a good friend after her daughter, Molly, was stillborn at 34 weeks. After weeks of sleepless nights, she found great comfort in holding the bear which she altered to Molly’s exact birth weight. For more information on volunteering, donating, or ordering see the site above.

Infertility/Infant Loss Jewelry and other Tangibles*: There are several sites that offer hand-made and/or customized jewelry, memory items, prints, and other things especially for those who are suffering infertility or from pregnancy or infant loss. Some people who have suffered a loss may find comfort in wearing a piece of jewelry or having an item that commemorates or acknowledges that lost life. Here is a sampling of such sites:

https://www.etsy.com/market/baby_loss_comfort

http://www.pregnancyandinfantlosskeepsakes.com/store/Default.asp

http://www.etsy.com/shop/bugaboojewelry

https://www.etsy.com/shop/HBWforaMiracle?ref=hdr_shop_menu

http://www.myforeverchild.com/

Professional Counseling   Sometimes, a professional therapist is the best option to help you after such an unbearable loss. The Long Island IVF Mind-Body Program has a dedicated and supportive psychologist uniquely-qualified to support you through infertility and pregnancy and infant loss.

We also offer Free Reiki and Guided Fertility Meditation sessions throughout the year to help with stress reduction (one is going on now every Monday night in October: 2, 9, 16, 23, 30, 2017) Register here. All are welcome, no need to be a patient, but spots are limited so reserve yours soon.

Some parents may find comfort in creating a memorial or tribute for their lost child in the form of planting a tree, a memorial public or private garden, a scholarship fund, a charity foundation, and any number of other positive and beneficial acts. It is never too late to memorialize your baby when and if the time feels right. These resources are offered merely as starting points for consideration in finding help and support in the processing of unspeakable grief and loss.

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If you have suffered from pregnancy or infant loss, do you have any advice to share or any resources to recommend to help others?

* Long Island IVF has no affiliation with any of these jewelry or other merchandise sites and offers them for informational purposes only. Use your own discretion when considering making any purchase.

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4 Tricks Infertiles Can Use to Avoid Being Grilled at BBQs All Summer Long

By Tracey Minella

May 30th, 2017 at 7:37 am

 

Image: gratisography/Ryan McGuire


After a long winter– and some still chilly temps and wet days in New York—the kick-off to summer is finally here. Barbecue season is upon us and the charcoal is waiting for fresh meat…

Don’t be the meat.

The first picnics are here and that means you may be thrust into big group social situations again, after a long winter of hibernating. Maybe not this weekend, but maybe next. Or the one after that.

Are you ready? Do you need to up your defense?

Here are 4 tips to help you dodge the naggers before they can ask “When are you guys going to have a baby?”:

Drink heavily. I don’t mean alcohol (necessarily). But if you have a drink in your hand or a glass to your mouth, it can discourage conversation. Plus, you can down the contents and excuse yourself for a refill at the first hint of unpleasant conversation. Or if the nagger really oversteps, and you happen to slip and accidentally spill it down their dress, well, that’s really a diversion.

Stuff your face. You don’t have to eat non-stop, but (like the drinking tip) keeping something in your hand or on a plate that you can pop into your mouth when a nagger approaches could be key. You can’t be expected to answer an inappropriate… or any…question with your mouth full.

Have a Plan B… and sensible shoes. If a nagger is in the kitchen where you’re helping out, grab a tray of hors d’oeuvres and make a hasty exit to the yard. Or reverse. Or seek refuge in the bathroom for a bit.

Use children as shields. Normally, the kind of people who butt into your sex life aren’t the ones who play with the 87 kids at the party. Sure, being with other peoples’ kids can hurt, but it may still be better to jump into their game than face a nagger. No one can expect you to provide intimate details while you’re jumping rope or pitching a whiffle ball. And those whiffle balls can have unpredictable paths, too…

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Do you have any other tips to add on how to avoid or diffuse the nagger problem?

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The Best Way to Survive Mother’s Day When Infertile

By Tracey Minella

May 11th, 2017 at 12:19 pm

 

photo: ryanmcguire/ gratisography


This might seem unconventional for an infertility blogger to suggest, but…

Stop looking for something online that will make you feel better this weekend. Chances are it isn’t out here. And even if there was one special nugget of wisdom that might somehow ease your pain, you’ll have to sift through so much useless and painful content that your heart will be in shreds before you find that elusive gem.

The worst place you can be when you’re infertile is on social media on Mother’s Day. The day photos of moms and babies posted are multiplied 10,000 times more than the already unbearable daily number you endure. Why subject yourself to millions of pictures of mothers and children or hundreds of blog posts like this one – – trying and failing to make you feel any better? Please hide. Resist the habit of Facebook. Protect your heart.

Yes, I’ve been in your shoes, but it was before the hell that is social media. I only had to endure real life pregnant people and babies in my actual face—not the flood of thousands of them in my virtual face 24/7. You have it so much worse in that respect—though IVF success rates have soared since I did it. Our experiences are the same, yet different. Only other infertile women could understand how you are feeling–currently infertile women.

Ten stressed-out Mother’s Days without a baby I suffered. I have walked that long and lonely path you are on now, and I do remember it like it was yesterday. Yet I know my well-meaning words of hopeful advice– that I so want you to find comfort in today– can’t help but somehow fall short because I finally became a mom while you are still waiting for your day. I walked before you, and it’s frustrating to know that I can’t comfort you the way someone walking beside you can. So while I do remember, speaking to you from where I am now instead of where I was then makes my words just one small step above those of others not currently walking in your shoes. Maybe the words of one who succeeded at IVF, even after many, many failures and losses are as unwelcome on such a difficult day as the words of those who conceived easily and effortlessly.

So on this hardest day of the year I won’t try further than to say that I know you can get through this day and I’m sorry for your pain. There is no magic answer in this post or any of the others you may read about Mother’s Day.

Despite constant advances in assisted reproductive technologies, no one can promise you a baby this cycle or in the future despite the technology advancing with lightning speed. For me, not knowing if it’d ever work was the hardest thing. Had I only known for certain that at some point– even years away– I’d definitely have a baby in my arms, it would’ve made all the difference in managing the highs and lows during those 10 long years. But there is no crystal ball. While many people might become parents if they just kept undergoing treatment, many people’s wallets are exhausted before their spirit is ready to stop treatment—or even before they can begin it. That fear kept me up at night.

You know what you need to get through this day– and only you know what you need. Time as a couple, alone time, or time with family and friends. Do what you need to do so it will pass.

For what it’s worth, know that I and the many women who walked before you will be looking backwards on Sunday with hope and strength for you as you walk on. Strength to get through this day– and hope that by this time next year you will be looking back on your journey as well.

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The Best Way to Survive Mother’s Day When Infertile

By Tracey Minella

May 11th, 2017 at 9:06 am

 

photo credit: ryanmcguire/gratisography


This might seem unconventional for an infertility blogger to suggest, but…

Stop looking for something online that will make you feel better this weekend. Chances are it isn’t out here. And even if there was one special nugget of wisdom that might somehow ease your pain, you’ll have to sift through so much useless and painful content that your heart will be in shreds before you find that elusive gem.

The worst place you can be when you’re infertile is on social media on Mother’s Day. The day photos of moms and babies posted are multiplied 10,000 times more than the already unbearable daily number you endure. Why subject yourself to millions of pictures of mothers and children or hundreds of blog posts like this one – – trying and failing to make you feel any better? Please hide. Resist the habit of Facebook. Protect your heart.

Yes, I’ve been in your shoes, but it was before the hell that is social media. I only had to endure real life pregnant people and babies in my actual face—not the flood of thousands of them in my virtual face 24/7. You have it so much worse in that respect—though IVF success rates have soared since I did it. Our experiences are the same, yet different. Only other infertile women could understand how you are feeling–currently infertile women.

Ten stressed-out Mother’s Days without a baby I suffered. I have walked that long and lonely path you are on now, and I do remember it like it was yesterday. Yet I know my well-meaning words of hopeful advice– that I so want you to find comfort in today– can’t help but somehow fall short because I finally became a mom while you are still waiting for your day. I walked before you, and it’s frustrating to know that I can’t comfort you the way someone walking beside you can. So while I do remember, speaking to you from where I am now instead of where I was then makes my words just one small step above those of others not currently walking in your shoes. Maybe the words of one who succeeded at IVF, even after many, many failures and losses are as unwelcome on such a difficult day as the words of those who conceived easily and effortlessly.

So on this hardest day of the year I won’t try further than to say that I know you can get through this day and I’m sorry for your pain. There is no magic answer in this post or any of the others you may read about Mother’s Day.

Despite constant advances in assisted reproductive technologies, no one can promise you a baby this cycle or in the future despite the technology advancing with lightning speed. For me, not knowing if it’d ever work was the hardest thing. Had I only known for certain that at some point– even years away– I’d definitely have a baby in my arms, it would’ve made all the difference in managing the highs and lows during those 10 long years. But there is no crystal ball. While many people might become parents if they just kept undergoing treatment, many people’s wallets are exhausted before their spirit is ready to stop treatment—or even before they can begin it. That fear kept me up at night.

You know what you need to get through this day– and only you know what you need. Time as a couple, alone time, or time with family and friends. Do what you need to do so it will pass.

For what it’s worth, know that I and the many women who walked before you will be looking backwards on Sunday with hope and strength for you as you walk on. Strength to get through this day– and hope that by this time next year you will be looking back on your journey as well.

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The Reveal: A “Coming Out Infertile” Day Workshop Event

By Tracey Minella

November 4th, 2016 at 1:30 pm


Long Island IVF is proud to sponsor the second annual “Coming Out Infertile” Day on November 17, 2016 and The Reveal: a special pre-holiday season workshop for those suffering in silence from infertility.

Infertility is a devastating disease that affects 1 out of every 8 couples. In addition to the pain and fear that comes with this diagnosis, many couples feel the unwarranted stigma of shame and guilt. Consequently, they keep their infertility a secret—even from their family and closest friends.

They are often afraid…or don’t know how… to tell their families and friends (or their employers) that they are having trouble getting or staying pregnant and need treatment. So they suffer in silence. Often for many months or years.

Coming Out Infertile Day (andThe Reveal workshop) was conceived to encourage those suffering from infertility to “come out” to their families, friends, and/or employers if they feel ready to do so… and to help them with the tools they need to do so. And most importantly, to come out in a way that feels right for them.

The holiday season, with its focus on children and families, is a particularly hard time for infertile folks who are easy targets for nagging personal questions about baby-making plans.

What we wouldn’t give to have a pregnancy test kit with two lines on it.  

Coming Out Infertile Day…seven months after National Infertility Awareness Week in April and right before the stress of the winter holidays…is a timely public reminder of the pain of infertility and a chance for those suffering to come out and get support.

Long Island IVF is offering a The Reveal—a free Coming-Out Infertile Workshop on November 17, 2016 from 6:30-8 pm at its offices at 8 Corporate Center Drive, Melville, New York. Led by our own Mind-Body medicine expert and psychologist, Bina Benisch, MS, RN, who specializes in counseling infertility patients, attendees will be given the support they need to come out infertile in a manner that’s right for them. In addition to this free group counseling, attendees will receive sample scripts and template letters to customize to help them. Are you ready to tell just your parents? Or your best friend? The whole family? Need to know how to break it to your boss? We can help. All are welcome. The workshop is free but pre-registration is required,  so register here:  http://bit.ly/therevealCOI2016.

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. So, for those ready to fully and publicly come out, Workshop attendees will be able to be part of Coming Out Infertile Day’s social media campaign where you can easily upload and share your photo with the official #Comingoutinfertile hashtag and graphic on various social media platforms by using the easy and free app, PicStitch. You do not have to be a Long Island IVF patient to participate. All are welcome and encouraged to be part of this empowering event!

Or be with us virtually!! Those unable to attend can use the #ComingOutInfertile social media PicStich app instructions coming soon. So, like our Long Island IVF Facebook page and/or the Coming Out Infertile Day page to stay on top of this movement.

It’s time to end the stigma of infertility. It’s time to unburden yourself from the added weight of this secret and get the support you need. It’s time to #comeoutinfertile. Join us in person or on social media on 11-17. Be part of the movement no matter where you are in your infertility journey.

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What is holding you back from coming out infertile? Are you ready to join the #comingoutinfertile movement?

 

 

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Infertility, Mother’s Day, and Something Promising

By Tracey Minella

May 8th, 2016 at 4:59 pm

Hands down, Mother’s Day is the hardest day of the year if you’re an infertile woman. There are just too many ways you are suffering with hearts too heavy for words to soothe.

Most ache from the pain of not having children yet or of having suffered the loss of children through miscarriage, stillbirth, or death. Some suffer from not being able to have additional children and the lack of sympathy toward secondary infertility. Then, there are the painful assumptions of strangers wishing all women a “Happy Mother’s Day” and the agony of spending Mother’s Day in the company of women with young children. Finally, there is the special darkness that infertile women who have lost their mothers feel.

Nothing I say will help your heart feel better…so I will speak to your head instead.

I’ve got something more tangible than just hope that next Mother’s Day will find you pregnant or celebrating. Something promising that may make a big difference in your journey to motherhood.

What if I told you there is a time-tested, holistic treatment that may improve the chance of your IVF cycle succeeding? And what if the cost of that treatment was less than $200? And what if it might even help women who have experienced failed IVF cycles in the past? Would you want to know more?

I’m talking about fertility acupuncture. Long Island IVF’s Dr. David Kreiner is the only reproductive endocrinologist in the region who is also a certified acupuncturist. This treatment…an Eastern medicine therapy to complement Western medicine’s cutting-edge IVF technology…is now available to all IVF patients at Long Island IVF.

Why not promise yourself this Mother’s Day to learn more about whether fertility acupuncture is right for you? You can take back some of the frustrating lack of control over your fertility by learning about all the possible treatments that may optimize your family-building plans. It’s impossible to know for sure, but maybe this is the missing piece. You owe it to yourself to learn more.

Join us on Thursday, May 12, 2016 at our Melville office for an exciting Acupuncture Symposium and listen to Dr. Kreiner and a full panel of 7 other medical experts discuss how IVF success may be improved with acupuncture and holistic therapy. The event is free, but registration is required.

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Will we see you on Thursday night??

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Long Island IVF-WINNER: Best in Vitro Fertility Practice 2015 AND 2016

It is with humble yet excited hearts that we announce that Long Island IVF was voted the Best In Vitro Fertility Practice in the Best Of Long Island 2015 and 2016 contest…two years in a row!

The doctors, nurses, embryologists, and the rest of the Long Island IVF staff are so proud of this honor and so thankful to every one of you who took the time to vote. From the moms juggling LIIVF babies… to the dads coaching LIIVF teens…to the parents sending LIIVF adults off to college or down the aisles… to the LIIVF patients still on their journeys to parenthood who are confident in the care they’re receiving…we thank you all.

We love what we’ve gotten to do every day more than 28 years…build families. If you are having trouble conceiving, please call us. Many of our nurses and staff were also our patients, so we really do understand what you’re going through. And we’d like to help. 631-752-0606.

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Coming Out Infertile Day is Today- November 11!

By admin

November 11th, 2015 at 8:30 am


Have you heard the news?

Long Island IVF wants to bring Infertility Awareness back to the headlines and help you relieve some stress before the holidays.

If you are suffering infertility in silence and are dreading another holiday season full of family gatherings, adorable children, and nosy personal questions…and you think you’re ready to come out to your family and friends, your boss, or the world…then join the movement today!!!

Two ways to do it:

Post your selfie with the custom graphic #ComingOutInfertile on the free app PicStitch in 4 super easy steps and share it on Facebook, Instagram and/or Twitter. Tell the world in one quick post! Details below.

Or if you need help with the decision or want to come out in a more controlled and limited way, join us for a Virtual Coming Out Infertile Workshop from 6:00 to 8:00 pm EST. This is not a live, in-person event, but rather a live on-line, call-in event! You can anonymously ask questions of our experts by calling in or logging on to an interactive live web meeting, get scripts to help you start those tough conversations, and get the support to come out in the way that works for you. Log in instructions for the event are below.

Bina Benisch MS, RN specializes in infertility support and will lead the meeting and provide psychological support. Bina is offering her time and counsel for informational purposes only, but her wisdom should not to be considered as medical advice.

Here is the log in info for the Virtual online event, accessible anonymously by either your computer or your phone (or you can do both):

Coming Out Infertile Virtual Online Workshop

When: Wed, Nov 11, 6:00 pm  (2 hr) New York (Eastern Standard Time, GMT-05:00)

Where: WebEx Online

Host: Bina Benisch, MS, RN of Long Island IVF

Computer Link for Meeting Access on computer: URL:https://meetings.webex.com/collabs/#/meetings/detail?uuid=M8NFBHVFXITWLLH5XETQ42J7TH-VZ9P&rnd=801866.81169

Meeting Number: 199 383 003

On your computer, just click on the link and click join the meeting (ignore the part about setting up an account—no need to!). The system will ask for a display name and an email but you can make up both the display name and the email if you want to be anonymous. (i.e. janedoe@holidaystress.com  and it will let you in and will show you as “jane doe”.  The benefit of joining the meeting on the computer instead of by phone is that you will be able to see the presenter and any slide presentations, and if you don’t want to talk, you can type in the chat.

Phone Meeting Access/Audio Connection:

United States of America US TOLL: +1-415-655-0001 Meeting Number 199 383 003

Just dial the phone, input the meeting number, and you will be added to the call.

 

Here is the social media Picstitch app instructions:

If you’re joining the social media campaign, we encourage you to do this any time of the day, all day long on November 11. Just add your selfie to our custom #ComingOutInfertile graphic and post on all your social media platforms—and tag us!

Here is the custom graphic to upload with your picture:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are the instructions on how to do it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks in advance for being part of this special movement! Here’s to not suffering through another holiday season with the secret and to getting the support you need and deserve.

If you can’t attend the virtual workshop but have questions, please post them below or on Facebook or email them to binabenisch@gmail.com prior to the meeting and we’ll try to address them during or after the meeting.

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Any questions? Post here or call in to the meeting tonight!

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National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day

By Tracey Minella

October 15th, 2015 at 7:22 am

 

credit: Carlymarie


Perhaps the only thing harder to imagine living through besides infertility, would be the loss of a child.

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day though October is the month dedicated to raising awareness of this inconceivable pain.

Many women undergoing infertility treatment are understandably so focused on just becoming pregnant, that they don’t even contemplate the possibility of a loss in the event they are successful. I think part of that mindset has to do with self-preservation during the infertility process.

Infertility is such a hard journey to endure that it’s only natural to tell yourself that getting pregnant is all you need to do to return to a happy and typical life. It’s only natural to think there could not possibly be anything else awful in the future. It’s only natural to believe this is the only roadblock and once you get pregnant, it’ll be smooth sailing. After all, how much heartache and pain could the universe lay at your feet?  Surely infertility is more than enough grief for one person to bear. Right?

Well, while the majority of infertility patients who do conceive go on to enjoy uneventful and healthy pregnancies with happy outcomes, there are others who do not. They may suffer a miscarriage at any point during their pregnancy…even more than once… or lose a baby during or just after childbirth. They may also lose a child to illness or accident at any time before adulthood. It’s hard to even let your mind go there.

None of us are immune from the possibility of this unthinkable experience. Many of us push the thought away, believing no more misfortune will come our way…that we’ve paid our dues. Others may hover over their miracle babies, half believing their reality is a dream that could be taken away at any moment. I admit to being a tad overprotective of my IVF babies out of fears many of my friends don’t share. Ok, maybe more than a tad.

For those who have suffered such unspeakable losses and live in the Long Island area, Long Island IVF’s counselor/psychologist, Bina Benisch, can help. Please call the office if you’d like to make  a private or group appointment with her. You don’t have to be a patient to do so.

But I’d also recommend a beautiful and supportive online community for all grieving mothers to check out. The young woman who maintains this site, CarlyMarie, lost her son Christian. Her site needs to be experienced to be believed. It is impossible to describe how powerfully healing her site is unless you see it yourself. Her beautiful photography and words and projects designed to help you heal are inspiring. Her website may be found at http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/. The image in this post is credited to her as well. And another helpful resource would be Still Standing OnLine Magazine at http://stillstandingmag.com/2012/09/parenting-on-earth-and-in-the-clouds/.

At 7pm tonight, all over the world, a Wave of Light movement is happening where bereaved parents are lighting candles in remberance of their lost babies and children. More information is available on CarlyMarie’s site.

If you or someone you know is suffering with the loss of a child, please pass this information along.

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If you’ve suffered the loss of a child and want to share your experience, or want to recommend a site or service that is helping you through the grief, please do so.

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A Day of Hope 2015

By Tracey Minella

August 19th, 2015 at 5:21 pm

 

photo credit: carlymarie


Losing a baby. Unspeakable pain.

The world will never be the same after losing a baby or child, born alive or still. Or miscarried. The surviving family…parents, siblings, grandparents, and others…embark on a journey of grief over the innocent life that ended too soon. And while life does…must…somehow go on, it’s never truly the same again.

I miscarried IVF twins just before the end of the first trimester. They’d be 20 this fall. On September 5th. You never stop thinking about what they’d be doing today. Even if you’re lucky enough to have other children. And let’s not forget the very real grief over the very many embryos that never made it, either before or after transfer.

Today is a day of healing. It’s a day of hope. It’s a recognition and celebration of all those lives lost. Of lives that mattered…and still matter. Children whose names people awkwardly no longer mention.

Across the world, on a beach in Australia, a woman named CarlyMarie, mourning the loss of her son Christian who was “born sleeping” started a global movement to celebrate all these lives. It’s called a Day of Hope and Project Heal. And it is today, August 19th. I’ve mentioned this in the past. https://www.facebook.com/events/923511941049863/

Participants who’ve lost children create their own personalized “prayer flags” in honor of the babies’ memories. But despite the name, it is not religious in nature and all are welcome to join in. People create their personal flags out of fabric or paper or whatever materials they want…even a simple drawing is fine if they aren’t crafty. The main thing is to be part of this movement, not to win a prize for art. Then, they hang or display them on this date and share photos of their flags so others who are suffering can feel a collective support. This year, it’s estimated that about 17,000 flags were made in the name of healing.

If you’ve suffered a loss, I strongly recommend you check out CarlyMarie’s site or Facebook page, which is full of support by one who walks in your shoes. Not just today, but each day.

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Do you participate in the Day of Hope? Do you have any tips ways to honor the memory of your child?

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Infertility and the Irony of Birth Control

By Tracey Minella

August 18th, 2015 at 9:14 am

 

Photo credit: Ambro/ freedigitalphotos.net


What better day than National Birth Control Day to look back at the time when we used to use birth control? Can you even remember?

The embarrassment of buying condoms, the gynecologist visits for prescriptions. Oh, what we went through just to be sure we would not get pregnant. Because really, that would be the worst thing that could ever, ever happen.

Maybe you even experienced a time or two of sheer hysterical panic worry over a birth control “lapse”. Isn’t it amazing how totally opposite surviving that “two week wait” is from surviving today’s two week wait?

And the money wasted!!! Why, if we only knew then that we didn’t even need birth control because some sinister infertile force was lurking within, we could have dumped all that money into the future fertility treatment savings account instead. Heck, we could have steamed up all the car windows with reckless abandon.

When I think of the years on birth control, the irony kills me. I imagine the fertility gods laughing at me behind my back. Well, not really, but you know what I mean. I feel a little stupid, like life made a fool of me, and I resent feeling that way. Here I was the responsible one. We used birth control until we were ready to start a family. We had a plan.

Ha! A plan.

If we only knew.

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Do you ever feel resentful about the time and money you spent on birth control?

 

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