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Archive for the ‘baby dreams’ tag

The Dream of Motherhood Never Dies

By Tracey Minella

December 15th, 2013 at 8:09 pm


image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/freedigital

There are women who have babies with ease…they pick the month they’d like the baby to be born, conceive effortlessly, and often enjoy care-free pregnancies and deliveries. Others have unplanned pregnancies and sometimes complain or give up the baby. And some women choose to never have children at all.

And then there is us. The infertile ones.

We began our quest as innocent planners of big families and summertime babies. And as the journey wore on we somehow morphed into women who’d settle for just one healthy baby born on any day of the year. We altered the dream to our reality. And we prayed it would come true.

For many of us with access to quality reproductive medical care, the dream will come true. The statistics for IVF success are rapidly rising as technology improves daily. Single embryo transfers (SETs), already popular at Long Island IVF, are helping to reduce risky multiple pregnancies. And Early Embryo Viability Assessment (EEVA) Testing, which is part of a clinical trial at Long Island IVF, is helping embryologists choose the embryos most likely to result in a pregnancy.

But what about those who don’t have access for financial or other reasons? What about their dreams? If faced with no other options, these women resolve to live child-free. Many end their infertility journeys after having suffered devastating losses or repeated disappointments and are emotionally, physically, and financially exhausted. For most of them, living child-free may not really be a choice, but rather, the only option available.

I don’t think the dream of motherhood ever dies. Certainly not for women who wanted it badly enough to endure the sacrifices and demands of repeated IUIs and IVFs. The journey may end, but the longing remains. Even if the woman stops talking about it. Even if she says she’s okay with living child-free. That’s just self-preservation talking.

This week that theory was validated as a 64 year old woman gave birth after a 41 year infertility journey. She got married six years before the first IVF baby was even born. She tried IVF only once, in 1988, without success and thereafter gave up treatment…for 23 years. But the dream hadn’t died. She went back for another IVF procedure and is finally a mother at 64. Her daughter is named Durga, which means “invincible”. For the full story, click

This story is offered not to spark debate on how old is too old to become a mother, but as testament to the unwavering power of the dream of motherhood and the miracles capable from modern reproductive medical technology.

What may feel like the impossible dream today may be the invincible dream tomorrow. Dare to dream it.

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photo credit: David Castillo Dominici/free digital


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A Time Travel Exercise for the Infertile

By Tracey Minella

December 8th, 2013 at 11:08 pm


credit: Boains Cho Joo Young/

During my infertility journey, I always looked back. Usually with regrets or second-guessing. I’d criticize myself for decisions we made which seemed best at the time… and probably were best…even though the outcome wasn’t what we’d hoped. I questioned everything, including the timing of cycles and the numbers of embryos transferred, sometimes wishing for more and other times wishing for less. In short, I beat myself up.

Maybe you do that, too? If so, you need to stop.

Nothing is more counter-productive than being a “Monday morning quarterback”. And the cliché of hindsight being 20/20 is very true in infertility. Try to remember that every failure or setback is a lesson that you and your doctor will learn from to make different and better choices for your future treatment.

The holiday season is so difficult and each year the holiday marketing seems to start earlier and get more aggressive. Faces of children are in commercials and print ads wherever you turn. Maybe you’re receiving “wish lists” for nieces and nephews and the thought of walking into Toys R Us  and faking your way through Christmas makes you ill.

Need a mental break?

Here’s a little trick I’ve used when overwhelmed or depressed and since it’s National Time Travel Day, it’s the perfect time to share it:

Escape the present and fast forward to the future for a few moments. Find a quiet place and put on some soft, relaxing music…or have total silence…whichever you prefer. Be sure you won’t be interrupted. Steal at least a half hour for yourself. Close your eyes and imagine a future point in time, maybe next holiday season. Really allow yourself to see the family you dream of, whether it’s your first baby or an addition you long for to make you feel complete.

It’s important to imagine all the details. First, picture the child. Will it be a boy, a girl, or both? Blonde or dark hair? (This is your fantasy, so let go and embrace it.) Now, take yourself through traditions you dream of starting or sharing. Will you cut down a tree? Visit someone special? Send a photo holiday card? Bake cookies? Buy a Hess truck or holiday Barbie? What are your plans? How will your life change?

Yes, this may be hard. But it can be helpful. So much of infertility is beyond our control that just making these plans in your head…or in a journal…can make them seem that much closer to coming true. At least it did for me. And if you allow yourself to see your dreams and write them down year-round as they cross your mind, your holiday “to-do” list will already be written for the year your dream does come true.

Here’s hoping that those still on their journeys will find resolution in 2014.

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What holiday tradition are you looking forward to starting or sharing?



Photo credit: Boians Cho Joo Young/



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