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Archive for the ‘Father’s Day’ tag

The Injustice of Infertility

By Tracey Minella

June 21st, 2011 at 12:00 am

Imagine the best dad ever. Maybe he’s yours. Maybe you’re lucky and he’s still here to share Father’s Day with. Maybe you just have the memories.

I have the memories, having lost my dad 15 years ago.

And I have a wonderful Father-in-law who has been critically ill for 3 weeks in an ICU. Sunday was Father’s Day and yesterday was his birthday. For a good week, it didn’t look like we’d still have him. Every day is still a gift.

So, I’ve done a lot of thinking about how wrong it is that such a good man should be in this position. I’m convinced that when his time comes, the only thing that would stand between him and sainthood would be the failure to perform a miracle.

He has always taken care of others and sacrificed without complaint. He is always supportive and loving and patient and kind. He never curses and never gives advice unless asked. He is the perfect father and grandfather and friend. He was our rock when were suffering from infertility. He’s one of those optimists. And he smiles and whistles in the morning. He should live to be 120. Then live another 10 years after that because the world is simply a better place with him in it…even with the whistling.

So it’s just wrong that he… such an amazing father… should be so close to dying. Or that any other amazing father should be in a similar spot or should die leaving young children behind.

And then I think about all the hopeful fathers-to-be out there. Maybe your husband is one of them. I know mine was for many years.

Where is the justice in the world?

Why is it that these wonderful men are delayed or denied their chance to be dads when others, many being less qualified or deserving, get women pregnant easily or even unintentionally?  Why are the dads that would take nothing for granted screwed out of fatherhood? Dads who’d have teas parties and cry at their girl’s recital. Fathers who’d coach little league and suffer over homework with their sons. It doesn’t help that we just passed another Father’s Day…

I’m not naïve. I know too well that death and infertility are realities of life. But sometimes…more than others…it’s too much to bear. I’m not asking for rainbows and unicorns, but is some semblance of a normal life too much to ask?

And as if living in our situation is not hard enough to take, must we be surrounded by morons who make us feel even worse about the hand we’ve been dealt?

If you haven’t already done so, enter ECF’s free micro-IVF contest by sharing the worst infertility-related comment ever made to you by an insensitive jerk. Click here:


Think of it this way: Your baby may be a few clicks away.

Or we can just call it “justice”.

Hang in there, Dad. (And you too, dads-to-be.)

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7 Tips to Survive Father’s Day When You’re Infertile

By Tracey Minella

June 17th, 2011 at 12:14 am

We don’t always remember that wanna-be dads are hurting on Father’s Day the way we acknowledge the pain of wanna-be moms. So here’s seven suggestions to help the guys this weekend:

1.  Honor Your Father: If you are lucky enough to still have your father and are close enough geographically, be sure to visit him on Sunday. Sometimes you can get distracted by your own pain and your quest for fatherhood and take your dad being there for granted. Don’t do that. You never know if he will be here next year. And if visiting isn’t possible, be sure to call. Share a favorite memory from childhood. You’ll be glad you did.

2.  Get Proactive:  What can you do today that will help your fertility? Those tight briefs aren’t helping. Switch to boxers. Been meaning to quit smoking, stop drinking, or lose weight? Well, there’s no time like now. How about a long walk for exercise and clearing your mind? Any step you take to live healthier will make you feel better…even on Father’s Day.

3. Consider Charity:  Sometimes helping others less fortunate than we are makes us feel better about our plight and puts things in perspective. Trying to avoid the family barbeque with your 17 nieces and nephews and your 4 pregnant sisters? Why not help at a soup kitchen on Sunday? Or bring some school supplies or toys to a children’s shelter? Good karma never hurts.

4.  Pull the Plug on Procrastination:  What have you put off doing that might be delaying your fertility plan? Is there lab work or other testing you haven’t done? Have you put off the dentist or a medical check-up? Do you need to make vacation time arrangements at work so you can do IVF? And how many times have you tried to tackle the health insurance issues only to put the paperwork down again?

5. Take Care of You:  No one’s feelings are more important than yours and your partner’s. Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position on Sunday (or any day). Avoid people you know will likely upset you, whether intentionally or unintentionally. You must protect yourself.

6.  Positive Imagery:  Take some time alone to remind yourself of your good qualities and the reasons you are going to make a great father someday. Envision it but don’t dwell to the point of sadness. Write down 3 reasons why you will be superdad someday. Trust that it will be.


7. Enter Our Free Micro-IVF Contest:  If you blew off suggestion #5 and somehow found yourself in the company of a moron who said the most shocking and insensitive thing to you (or your partner) about being infertile, turn those lemons into lemonade! Enter the comment in our June contest and you could win one of 5 great prize packages, plus each of the 5 winners becomes eligible to win the Grand Prize of a free Micro-IVF cycle valued at $3,900.00!! Just go to the June 6th blog post right here on the fertility daily or on ECF’s facebook page from June 6th . It’s so quick and easy!

Last year’s contest winner and her husband are celebrating their first Father’s Day on Sunday. Will YOU celebrate yours next year? Why not increase your chances? (You don’t have to use your real name if you prefer anonymity.)

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