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Archive for the ‘infertile on mother’s day’ tag

The Best Way to Survive Mother’s Day When Infertile

By Tracey Minella

May 11th, 2017 at 9:06 am

 

photo credit: ryanmcguire/gratisography


This might seem unconventional for an infertility blogger to suggest, but…

Stop looking for something online that will make you feel better this weekend. Chances are it isn’t out here. And even if there was one special nugget of wisdom that might somehow ease your pain, you’ll have to sift through so much useless and painful content that your heart will be in shreds before you find that elusive gem.

The worst place you can be when you’re infertile is on social media on Mother’s Day. The day photos of moms and babies posted are multiplied 10,000 times more than the already unbearable daily number you endure. Why subject yourself to millions of pictures of mothers and children or hundreds of blog posts like this one – – trying and failing to make you feel any better? Please hide. Resist the habit of Facebook. Protect your heart.

Yes, I’ve been in your shoes, but it was before the hell that is social media. I only had to endure real life pregnant people and babies in my actual face—not the flood of thousands of them in my virtual face 24/7. You have it so much worse in that respect—though IVF success rates have soared since I did it. Our experiences are the same, yet different. Only other infertile women could understand how you are feeling–currently infertile women.

Ten stressed-out Mother’s Days without a baby I suffered. I have walked that long and lonely path you are on now, and I do remember it like it was yesterday. Yet I know my well-meaning words of hopeful advice– that I so want you to find comfort in today– can’t help but somehow fall short because I finally became a mom while you are still waiting for your day. I walked before you, and it’s frustrating to know that I can’t comfort you the way someone walking beside you can. So while I do remember, speaking to you from where I am now instead of where I was then makes my words just one small step above those of others not currently walking in your shoes. Maybe the words of one who succeeded at IVF, even after many, many failures and losses are as unwelcome on such a difficult day as the words of those who conceived easily and effortlessly.

So on this hardest day of the year I won’t try further than to say that I know you can get through this day and I’m sorry for your pain. There is no magic answer in this post or any of the others you may read about Mother’s Day.

Despite constant advances in assisted reproductive technologies, no one can promise you a baby this cycle or in the future despite the technology advancing with lightning speed. For me, not knowing if it’d ever work was the hardest thing. Had I only known for certain that at some point– even years away– I’d definitely have a baby in my arms, it would’ve made all the difference in managing the highs and lows during those 10 long years. But there is no crystal ball. While many people might become parents if they just kept undergoing treatment, many people’s wallets are exhausted before their spirit is ready to stop treatment—or even before they can begin it. That fear kept me up at night.

You know what you need to get through this day– and only you know what you need. Time as a couple, alone time, or time with family and friends. Do what you need to do so it will pass.

For what it’s worth, know that I and the many women who walked before you will be looking backwards on Sunday with hope and strength for you as you walk on. Strength to get through this day– and hope that by this time next year you will be looking back on your journey as well.

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Listen Up! National Infertility Awareness Week Events are coming to Long Island IVF

By Tracey Minella

April 4th, 2017 at 6:28 am

It’s that time of the year again. That time when we have the attention of the rest of the world…a/k/a the fertile folks…and get a chance to school their basically clueless selves about the daily and often debilitating struggles of the fertility-challenged.

It’s not their fault they are fertile. Or clueless. But that doesn’t make them or their remarks any less irritable all year long. So the theme for this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week (“NIAW”)–“Listen Up!”—is really appropriate! NIAW runs from April 23-29, 2017. Let’s take advantage of the chance to make them listen up.

Each year, before, during, and after NIAW, Long Island IVF offers some events to help those struggling with infertility and to raise awareness of infertility. All events are presented in our Melville office and are free and open to the public—no need to be a patient of ours. They are designed to help support you physically and emotionally no matter where you are on your journey to parenthood. Did I mention they are FREE?

Some events give you a mental and physical leg up, so to speak—like our “Yoga for Fertility Night” on April 26th with Lisa Pineda! Learn and do the poses designed to help your body become more receptive to pregnancy through stress reduction, increased blood flow to the uterus, and more. Register here for free. Spots go fast. This was wildly popular last time we offered it!

Similarly, our “Acupuncture for Fertility Symposium” on April 27th, offers a live demo of fertility acupuncture—a holistic and ancient therapy offered at Long Island IVF by our own Dr. David Kreiner, the area’s first and only known reproductive endocrinologist who is also a certified and practicing medical acupuncturist. Learn from a panel of experts how some patients may improve their chances of IVF success by using this complementary therapy—even if they tried IVF unsuccessfully in the past. Register here for free.

Right on the heels of NIAW is the most dreaded day of the year for many infertile ladies: Mother’s Day (followed by the also-awful Father’s Day for the guys). These two days are difficult for all of us, but they’re particularly hard on those who have been on their infertility journey a long time and have exhausted many available family-building options or those suffering in silence and stressing over keeping the secret.

Right before Mother’s Day we are offering our “New Beginnings through Donor Egg Seminar” on May 2nd. Donor Egg is not usually the first step for people seeking to build a family and many people have suffered a long time, through disappointment and loss, before opening up to the possibility of building their family with donor egg. If you find yourself open to exploring a program that many women later confess they wish they considered sooner, please join us to learn more from our supportive and compassionate donor egg team of doctors and nurses. Hear from one of our many successful donor egg recipient moms and ask your questions. Register here for free.

 

Also before Mother’s Day is our “Tired of the Secret Workshop” on May 4th. In an effort to help those couples who want or need to come out of the infertility closet and tell their family and friends or employers—but don’t know how to do it—we are bringing back this popular workshop from Coming Out Infertile Day last November. Led by our Mind-Body Program and infertility specialist, Bina Benisch, MS, RN, couples or individuals who want to “come out” are given counsel and guidance to work through the issues that are blocking them, as well as suggestions on how to navigate that important conversation so they can unburden themselves and get the support they need from their loved ones. Register here for free.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with infertility please join us at any or all of these events for free, so we can support you on your journey. If your personal journey is resolved, please share the information so friends who are suffering in silence may see it and benefit.

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Which event(s) seem interesting to you? Are there any other events you’d like to see offered?

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Long Island IVF-WINNER: Best in Vitro Fertility Practice 2015- 2016- 2017

It is with humble yet excited hearts that we announce that Long Island IVF was voted the Best In Vitro Fertility Practice in the Best Of Long Island 2015 and 2016 and 2017 contest…three years in a row!

The doctors, nurses, embryologists, and the rest of the Long Island IVF staff are so proud of this honor and so thankful to every one of you who took the time to vote. From the moms juggling LIIVF babies… to the dads coaching LIIVF teens…to the parents sending LIIVF adults off to college or down the aisles… to the LIIVF patients still on their journeys to parenthood who are confident in the care they’re receiving…we thank you all.

We love what we’ve gotten to do every day more than 29 years…build families. If you are having trouble conceiving, please call us. Many of our nurses and staff were also our patients, so we really do understand what you’re going through. And we’d like to help. 631-752-0606.

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Getting Real About Mother’s Day Blues

By Tracey Minella

May 9th, 2015 at 2:05 pm

photo: davidcastillodominici/ freedigitalphotos.net


I want to help and inspire you this Sunday. To mend the raw and broken heart that simply is infertility. To distract you from the emptiness that is Mother’s Day. And from the pain of losses suffered and prayers still unanswered.

But the words don’t come.

I lived it, too, for very many years. The memories are crystal clear. And still the words won’t come to make the worst day of the year any easier. So I’m going to ramble and share some thoughts from the heart.

This journey you’re on, that consumes your life and sucks you dry, will end someday. Yes, it will… even though it feels like it’s been this way forever and that it never will end.  But it has to, if you take the time to think about it. And for many it will end with a family. One built in the way you hoped, or in another way that through your evolution on your journey you will have come to accept. And it will feel like it was meant to be and the heavens will literally feel like they opened up and shone down on you just like in the movies.

But you won’t get these years back. I call the infertility years, “the hole”. It’s nearly a decade that I let some form of family-building consume me. When I look back, it’s an effort to remember the good times because I simply couldn’t allow myself to be happy or force myself to have fun. I let infertility rob me of more than it already had. It stole a decade of my life. Don’t let it do that to you. Trust that you’ll be a parent someday. Believe it. Because if it comes true, which it often does, you will have been able to find some happiness during the waiting years. And if it doesn’t come true, you are no worse off.

Celebrate your own mom on Mother’s Day because she won’t be here forever. Trust me, I know. I lost my mom before I got pregnant and could make her a grandmother. Same with my dad. Put the focus on her on Sunday. If it’s too hard, then see her today. Don’t get so lost in your own desire to be a mom that you forget to somehow celebrate the woman who is your mother.

Want a bit of a distraction? Do this project: Fill a mason jar with memories of your mom. Colorful tiny strips of paper with stories and traditions and qualities that you admire about her. And give it to her. What a priceless gift. Not feeling that? Then make one for yourself (or start a journal) with a list of all your plans and the qualities you hope to have as a mom. Baby names, nursery colors, favorite movies and books you’ll share. Activities you’ll encourage. Traditions you’ll start or continue. Add tidbits about this journey you’re on and how you’re feeling. These are therapeutic projects.

Follow your heart Sunday and do what you need to do to get through the day. Avoid places with children if that’s too hard to bear. Stay up late tonight and sleep extra late (cut that day in half!). Treat yourself in some way.

And listen to that heart as well. It’s telling you more than the grief and fear and frustration is letting you hear. There’s a voice whispering deep inside that makes you get out of bed each and every day, including tomorrow.

If you listen…really listen…it’s telling you that you are a mom-in-waiting. Hear it.

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What are you doing to get through the day? What/who are you dreading most?

 

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Long Island “Brew For the Family” Event- June 4, 2015

Would winning a FREE IVF Cycle door prize help you or a loved one build a family?

Join us on Thursday, June 4th, 2015 from 7:30-10PM at the Long Island Brew for the Family event hosted in partnership with the Tinina Q. Cade Foundation.

We have come together to spread the message that infertility can be overcome! Enjoy a night out and forget the stress of infertility as we sample craft beers at one of Long Island’s premier microbreweries, The Great South Bay Brewery. The evening will include a sampling of 6 beers, guided brewery tours with a master brewer, great food, music, and a silent auction.

Each admission ticket will include one entry into the drawing for a FREE IVF CYCLE* door prize. Be sure to invite your family and friends for even more chances to win, as the prize is transferrable.

To purchase tickets and learn more about this event please visit: www.librewforthefamily.eventbrite.com.

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Long Island IVF-WINNER: Best in Vitro Fertility Practice 2015

It is with humble yet excited hearts that we announce that Long Island IVF was voted the Best In Vitro Fertility Practice in the Best Of Long Island 2015 contest.

The doctors, nurses, embryologists, and the rest of the Long Island IVF staff are so proud of this honor and so thankful to every one of you who took the time to vote. From the moms juggling LIIVF babies… to the dads coaching LIIVF teens…to the parents sending LIIVF adults off to college or down the aisles… to the LIIVF patients still on their journeys to parenthood who are confident in the care they’re receiving…we thank you all.

We love what we’ve gotten to do every day more than 27 years…build families. If you are having trouble conceiving, please call us. Many of our nurses and staff were also our patients, so we really do understand what you’re going through. And we’d like to help.

 

 

Photo credit:  http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/Gestures_g185-Depressed_Woman_Sitting_On_Floor__p99322.html

 

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Mother’s Day: 5 Tips on Surviving The Hardest Day of the Year

By Tracey Minella

May 10th, 2014 at 8:00 pm

 

credit: david castillo/freedigitalphotos.net


Infertile women face plenty of rough days each year… Halloween, New Year’s Day, baby showers, and our birthdays. But, without question Mother’s Day is, well, the mother of them all.

It is the day the whole world dotes on moms…and assumes that any woman of a certain age is one. That assumption, when verbalized, can make you feel like crawling away and crying. And it is even worse for those who have lost babies along the journey. Everyone from store clerks to the whole congregation will unwittingly wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. So, what can you do?

Here are five tips for managing on Mother’s Day:

·         Focus on your own mom. It doesn’t help completely, but it can be a good distraction. You don’t have a child yet, but you do have a mom. If it’s too hard to be with her for a dinner that includes your pregnant siblings and their 37 kids, then make separate plans to see her for brunch instead. If she’s far away, schedule a nice, long call. If your mom is gone, consider visiting the cemetery with a note or flowers, or doing something that reminds you of good times with her. Yes, it may make you cry, but it’s a great place to vent. (Can you tell I’ve done this?) You will cry on this day anyway. Go for happier tears.

 

·         Call your church or temple in advance. If you’re dreading how all the mothers are asked to stand up and be recognized at your place of worship… something that would be particularly hard for those who have suffered miscarriages or lost babies or infants…why not call ahead and ask the priests or rabbis to recognize and include those who’ve lost children in that definition. Or ask when that moment of recognition will happen and plan to arrive before or after that point in the services.

 

 

·         Make yourself a Mother-in-Waiting’s Day Card. You are a mother. A mother-in-waiting. Believe your day will come. But why should your card wait? You should sit down and list all the reasons you are going to be a great mom. Things like, When I’m a mom, I’m going to let my kid have ice cream for dinner sometimes. While you’re at it, buy yourself a gift, too.

 

·         Make a garden. It’s a great way to connect with nature and spend some quiet, reflective time alone or with your partner on Mother’s Day and for many days to come. Plant pretty flowers or maybe some healthy, fertility-enhancing vegetables. Populate it with little gnomes, wind chimes, or cherub statues. It could become your sanctuary.

 

·         Get a dog. Or a cat. If you’ve been seriously thinking about getting a pet, this may be the time to act on it. “Furbabies” love unconditionally and fill a special spot in the infertile heart. Is there room in your life for one?

These are just a few tips to manage the day, not to enjoy it. The fact is that it won’t really be enjoyable until you are a mom. So, do whatever you want or need to do to get through this day. Treat yourself well. Spend time with your partner. Hiberate. And stay far, far away from Chuck E. Cheese.

As a mother-in-waiting, it’s your day, too. Take it one hour at a time.

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What are your Mother’s Day plans? Any tips to help others get through it?

 

 

 

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I’m Still Standing

By Tracey Minella

May 5th, 2013 at 5:07 pm

 

Today is International Bereaved Mother’s Day.

Celebrated on the Sunday before Mother’s Day, it’s dedicated to those who have suffered the pain of miscarriage, stillbirth, losing an infant or child, or are suffering from infertility. To those who are still standing.

This year there is a world-wide project known as #iamstillstanding , through Still Standing Magazine, which encourages women and men who have suffered these unspeakable losses to share their stories, post a picture, or simply to speak their children’s names…to acknowledge the grief and help in some small way to bring a measure of healing. You can participate through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and/or Pinterest. Go here for more information: https://www.facebook.com/events/552753651414253/

The stories already uploaded are hard to read, yet comforting. They are heart-warming, and heart-breaking. They will take your breath away.

In addition to Still Standing Magazine, two helpful resources for bereaved parents are Carlymarie’s Project Heal https://www.facebook.com/CarlyMarieProjectHeal?fref=ts and A Heart to Hold https://www.facebook.com/AHearttoHold?fref=ts. The first is support from a bereaved mother and artist and the second is a non-profit organization that provides hand-sewn hearts of the exact weight of the lost baby to bereaved moms, so they have something soft of significant weight to hold during their grieving.

For those local women who are looking for professional, one-on-one or group counseling to process your grief over infertility or other related losses, please contact Long Island IVF to speak to our professionals or go here for more information: http://www.longislandivf.com/mind_body.cfm

May those suffering find some measure of comfort in the above resources.

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Are there any additional resources you can recommend for others who may be grieving?

Photo credit: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=238&picture=statue-of-an-angel

 

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Mother’s Day: The Hardest Day of the Year for Those TTC

By Tracey Minella

May 13th, 2012 at 1:10 pm


Some of you are suffering from secondary infertility. You have a child, but can’t complete the family you envisioned without medical assistance. Maybe the child you do have was a result of medical assistance, so you understand the pain of those still on their infertility journeys. For those of you who are already mothers, Long Island IVF wishes you the happiest of Mother’s Days with your miracles.
But for those who are childless and TTC, Mother’s Day is the toughest day of the year to get through. It’s worse than the winter holidays, New Year’s Day, and your birthday. And if your own Mom is gone or if you lost a baby along the way, it’s unbearable.
Not having your family built yet can make you feel like you don’t fit in at whatever gathering you may have to attend today. It’s hard not to be bitter. It’s hard to bite your tongue at the insensitive comments.
It’s hard to know what’s worse…the moms who complain about the gift they got today, always criticize their kids, or (*gasp*) say they wish they didn’t have (so many) children. Or the women who nag you with nosy, personal questions about when are you finally going to have a baby? And let’s not even talk about those who complain about their “accidental” conceptions!
Today or tomorrow (or really any day), if you find yourself here, please feel free to vent.
If you bit your tongue today, please tell us what was said and what you wish you would have said in response.
If you didn’t bite your tongue, please, please, please share what your comeback was! Was it a cold glance, a look to kill, words of venom? Any furniture go flying? Hospital visits?
Or if you have any tips on how you got through the day, or interesting ideas on spending the day, please share those as well.
We’ll choose one comment to win a little gift card to help take away the sting a bit. Post your comments by Thursday night.
Here’s a tip from me for today: Tell yourself that this will be the last Mother’s Day you go through without a baby in your arms or on the way. (It may or may not be true, but you will feel better for today if you allow yourself to envision that is true.)
Thinking of you all today, mothers of the present and especially those wonderful mothers-to-be in waiting.

 

photo credit: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=22120&picture=mothers-day

 

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