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Archive for the ‘infertile on the holiday’ tag

The Reveal: A “Coming Out Infertile” Day Workshop Event

By Tracey Minella

November 4th, 2016 at 1:30 pm

Long Island IVF is proud to sponsor the second annual “Coming Out Infertile” Day on November 17, 2016 and The Reveal: a special pre-holiday season workshop for those suffering in silence from infertility.

Infertility is a devastating disease that affects 1 out of every 8 couples. In addition to the pain and fear that comes with this diagnosis, many couples feel the unwarranted stigma of shame and guilt. Consequently, they keep their infertility a secret—even from their family and closest friends.

They are often afraid…or don’t know how… to tell their families and friends (or their employers) that they are having trouble getting or staying pregnant and need treatment. So they suffer in silence. Often for many months or years.

Coming Out Infertile Day (andThe Reveal workshop) was conceived to encourage those suffering from infertility to “come out” to their families, friends, and/or employers if they feel ready to do so… and to help them with the tools they need to do so. And most importantly, to come out in a way that feels right for them.

The holiday season, with its focus on children and families, is a particularly hard time for infertile folks who are easy targets for nagging personal questions about baby-making plans.

What we wouldn’t give to have a pregnancy test kit with two lines on it.  

Coming Out Infertile Day…seven months after National Infertility Awareness Week in April and right before the stress of the winter holidays…is a timely public reminder of the pain of infertility and a chance for those suffering to come out and get support.

Long Island IVF is offering a The Reveal—a free Coming-Out Infertile Workshop on November 17, 2016 from 6:30-8 pm at its offices at 8 Corporate Center Drive, Melville, New York. Led by our own Mind-Body medicine expert and psychologist, Bina Benisch, MS, RN, who specializes in counseling infertility patients, attendees will be given the support they need to come out infertile in a manner that’s right for them. In addition to this free group counseling, attendees will receive sample scripts and template letters to customize to help them. Are you ready to tell just your parents? Or your best friend? The whole family? Need to know how to break it to your boss? We can help. All are welcome. The workshop is free but pre-registration is required,  so register here:

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. So, for those ready to fully and publicly come out, Workshop attendees will be able to be part of Coming Out Infertile Day’s social media campaign where you can easily upload and share your photo with the official #Comingoutinfertile hashtag and graphic on various social media platforms by using the easy and free app, PicStitch. You do not have to be a Long Island IVF patient to participate. All are welcome and encouraged to be part of this empowering event!

Or be with us virtually!! Those unable to attend can use the #ComingOutInfertile social media PicStich app instructions coming soon. So, like our Long Island IVF Facebook page and/or the Coming Out Infertile Day page to stay on top of this movement.

It’s time to end the stigma of infertility. It’s time to unburden yourself from the added weight of this secret and get the support you need. It’s time to #comeoutinfertile. Join us in person or on social media on 11-17. Be part of the movement no matter where you are in your infertility journey.

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What is holding you back from coming out infertile? Are you ready to join the #comingoutinfertile movement?



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Who Are You Remembering This Weekend?

By Tracey Minella

May 28th, 2016 at 1:54 pm

credit: wpclipart


Seems to me that any time there’s a party or celebration going on…and you’re infertile…it can be a tough time. This weekend is no exception.


First off. Let’s not lose sight of the real reason for Memorial Day…to remember our fallen heros. The men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice so we could live in the world’s best country. The generations of soldiers who’ve protected our borders and solidified our status as a superpower…as a nation where we can enjoy many freedoms, and where most can access the best medical care available through cutting edge technologies, like IVF.


So, remember to be thankful for that. In fact, why not attend a parade in their honor? Or visit a military cemetery and take in the magnitude of their sacrifice by viewing the perfectly aligned, seemingly endless rows of headstones adorned with American flags. It’ll take your breath away, give you some perspective, and get you away from that barbeque you’re dreading for a bit.


The other reason for the day is the inescapable celebration kicking off the start of the summer. It’s pretty much un-American not to host or attend some form of outdoor party or barbeque this weekend. That means mingling with often insensitive family and friends and sometimes strangers. Add some beer or umbrella drinks. Now that can be a recipe for disaster…


Give yourself permission not to go if it’s too difficult for you or to leave after a short time. Unlike major celebrations, it’s just Memorial Day. Your absence won’t be glaring. Besides, hotdogs and beer are not exactly on the fertile foods list. A picnic and walk on the beach with your partner can be just what you need to regenerate your “couple’s energy” and connect again in a stress-free environment. Can you hear the waves now?


If you’re in the mood to party, think of it as the start of a new season…the best one of all. Or at least the least stressful. Go to…or host…the type of gathering that works best for your needs.


If you host, you control the food and drink, so you can make healthy choices and need not feel deprived. Better yet, you control the guest list. I always thought that was well worth the cost of hosting. If you’re a guest, ask the host politely in advance who will be there and what they’ll be having. No one wants to be surprised with a menu they can’t eat or a guest they can’t stand. Then decide if you’ll go and what to bring.


The stress of infertility and TTC makes every day stressful and any holiday…even Memorial Day… brings the potential for added stress. I hope you all find a way to get some stress-free time over this three day weekend.


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What did/will you do this Memorial Day weekend? Was it stressful or stress-free?

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4 Tips for Being Infertile on Easter

By Tracey Minella

March 31st, 2013 at 9:14 am

credit: larisa Koshkina/

Being infertile on Easter stinks like that one rotten egg from the hunt that never got found.

Every holiday is hard when you’re longing for a child. Each holiday brings its own unique challenge and twists the gut in a special way. Easter is no different. And the hardest part about it for me isn’t the spongy pink marshmallow peeps. It’s the spongy pink hair curlers, and more importantly…

It’s the little girly outfits.

The little white gloves and matching spring bonnets. Miles of pastel satin and tulle. Patent leather Mary Janes and tiny pocket books. Even the little boys’ suits are tough to take.

Easter fashion is a killer. I mean, who hasn’t dreamed of stuffing a hot, sweaty baby into some stiff, itchy Easter outfit…complete with pinching shoes (and annoying hat and tights for girls)?

So, how are you going to get through this one?

Well, if you attend religious services, you will no doubt be bombarded by babies in bonnets. Many will be wailing. If it’s too hard on your heart to take it all in, then take advantage of the prayerful atmosphere and close your eyes. Use the time to reflect, meditate, contemplate, or whatever comforts you.

Is there an egg hunt in your plans? Well, if you can’t help the littlest tike without tearing up, help out in the kitchen while it’s going on. The frazzled hostess will likely welcome the extra sets of hands.

Are you lucky enough to still have your parents? If so, instead of focusing on not being a parent just yet, why not make a point of reminiscing with your folks about your childhood memories of Easter? You can do this in person or on the phone. Tell them how they made it special for you. It will make you all feel better.

Don’t look at eggs as symbolic of the Easter egg hunt that you don’t have a child participating in. Instead, try to remember that the egg is a symbol of fertility.

And believe that next year, that sweaty, itchy, wailing baby in the bonnet may be yours.

Happy Easter to all our patients, friends, and families who celebrate  it.

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Would you (or did you) dress your baby up in stiff, fancy holiday outfits?

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7 Tips For Surviving the Fourth of July When Infertile

By Tracey Minella

July 3rd, 2012 at 2:59 pm

How exasperating is that title?


How awful that infertile folks live their lives in “survival mode” during the holidays. But it’s the sad truth. Infertility often takes the fun out of living and it certainly dampens the holidays.

For those perky types… who can handle their Clomid or Lupron, and still manage to wear a real smile to a picnic with 58 sparkler-toting toddlers… my hat’s off to you. Stop reading.

But the rest of you… who see the marshmallow stick not as a smores instrument, but rather as a weapon to take out your nagging, grandbaby-wishing mother-in-law… I have seven suggestions to get you through the festivities (be sure to read through to number seven):

  1. Put Yourself First. Give yourself permission NOT to go to any event you don’t really want to go to. And to NOT be around someone who twists you the wrong way. You come first. Their picnic will go on without you.
  2. Indulge. If your doctor is okay with it and you’re not cycling, consider allowing yourself to indulge in something that’s otherwise on your “off-limits” list…maybe a big ice cream sundae if you’ve been weight-watching, an extra jolt of caffeinated coffee, maybe even a small glass of wine. Haven’t you felt deprived enough?
  3. Pamper Yourself. Go get a massage or a kicky red, white and blue mani-pedi. Or whatever else you treat yourself with!
  4. Embrace the Solitude. Go for a walk alone (or with your partner) on the beach. There’s something about the water and the sand and the horizon that is calming and hopeful. And there’s lifeguards.
  5. Be Grateful. Find something in your life, no find three things, to be thankful for. Maybe your spouse, having a job, a home? Catch a parade and remember all the lives lost for our independence. Feeling grateful about something can actually help you feel slightly less depressed about what’s missing. And be grateful the holiday fell on a Wednesday, so you don’t have 3 straight days of barbeques to attend!
  6. Adjust the Focus. If you are going to be with folks who see you as the woman who doesn’t have/can’t have kids yet, show them another side of you. Bake and share a kickass apple pie from scratch and give them something else to talk about you over!
  7. Make a Wish. Your mission is to find a fireworks show. I don’t care if it’s your neighbor’s illegal cheesy display, a large, local professional extravaganza, or (my least favorite option) a televised fireworks show. Get thyself to something sparkly and explosive. Then make a quiet wish. Make it on the biggest boomer that lights up the night sky…or on a sparkler crackling in your hand. Let yourself believe it.

Here’s hoping your independence from infertility begins now… and that by this time next year you’ll behave yourself around the marshmallow sticks.

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What are your plans for the holiday?

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