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Archive for the ‘infertility and baby showers’ tag

The Baby Sprinkle: Hell Revisited for Infertile Women

By Tracey Minella

November 7th, 2013 at 10:40 am


credit: stuart miles/


Infertility steals our joy in life. And if the infertility journey is long, it twists our hearts and causes a pain that can rob us of the ability to celebrate the blessings of even our closest friends and family. People we truly love and want to be happy for. If only we weren’t so down.

Infertile women, in general, hate baby showers. Make that loathe.

It’s such a well-known fact that even my mailman leaves rubber when delivering one of those invitations stuffed with pink and blue confetti. May as well pull the dagger out of the heart and use it as a letter-opener.

Some women get to a point where they simply cannot, for their own heart’s protection, attend a baby shower. Others steel their minds and go, gritting their teeth through the 4-hour assault of nosy questions. But whether you attended or not, there was at least some consolation in mentally checking off one more name on the dreaded “friends-who-are-fertile” upcoming baby shower list.

Fertile. Pregnant. Baby shower. Done. A one-shot deal. You load the lucky lady up with everything she needs for baby and then you are done, because everyone knows you only get one baby shower. Phew.

But just when you thought it was safe to go back to the mailbox…

Enter the Baby Sprinkle. If you haven’t heard of it yet, it’s merely a cute term for what amounts to a second baby shower. That’s right. Double their pleasure and double your pain. Only this time you get to not only buy another present, but also pay for your own meal and pay your share of the guest of honor’s meal.

I got my first Sprinkle invitation last month and must have been a sight as I stood there at the mailbox… mouth agape…trying to comprehend it. Baby number one was only 18 months old at the time. And the one on the way was the same gender.

I remember the conflicting emotions. Confusion. Shock. And, truth be told, some resentment. My abundant love for the pregnant woman was momentarily suffocated by these ugly feelings. Of course, that added some guilt…which then added even more resentment at being put in this spot in the first place.

And because of my own long infertility journey, the very first thing I thought of was that a Sprinkle is hell revisited for infertile women.

If you can disguise a second baby shower as a “Sprinkle”, can a third baby shower be far behind?

And what, pray tell, will we call that? A “Drip”?

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What do you think about the new Baby Sprinkle trend? Is it just a harmless celebration of new life or is it just a move in a tacky direction? Whatever you answer, do you think your response was affected by infertility?

Photo credit: Stuart Miles/

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Infertility and Twisted Thoughts

By Tracey Minella

June 7th, 2013 at 9:52 pm


image courtesy of freedigital

Do you ever wonder if other infertile women think the way you do? I’m talking about those really crazy, twisted thoughts we sometimes feel. The ones we don’t speak out loud.

You know the ones.

The thoughts that would prompt a knowing nod (or howls of laughter) from other infertiles…and condemnation from the rest of society. 

On your lowest days, could you relate to any of these scenarios (tongue-in-cheek, of course!):

·         Tell me you haven’t imagined peeling the stick figure families off those minivans? Would you spare the pets or just leave the couple standing alone?

·         Do you always call out to the mother when you see a kid’s “binky” go missing in a public place? Or do you sometimes let the inattentive mom learn a lesson?

·         Ever bought a sort of ugly baby outfit…or a Diaper genie… for a baby or shower gift because the thought of 235+ dirty diapers crammed into the nursery corner would bring you a shred of comfort during an unbearably painful event?

·         Have you ever been in such a bad mood that, instead of mustering a smile, you actually kind of “stared down” a baby when its mom wasn’t looking…and it cried? And you didn’t feel guilty?

·         Ever want to (or actually) “unfriend” someone on Facebook for posting too many pregnancy updates, maternity photos, or baby pictures?

If you related to any of the above scenarios…or have your own list…it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. Occasional jealous or angry thoughts are common when you’re infertile.

But if the ache of empty arms or the depression and frustration of infertility is significantly interfering with your ability to get through your daily responsibilities, you may need a little help coping. Consider an infertility support group led by peers or professionals.

Anyone interested in Long Island IVF’s professionally-run support groups and counseling sessions should contact Bina Benisch, M.S., R.N. at Bina counsels both women and men in separate support groups as they navigate their infertility journeys. All are welcome to join, even if you are not yet a Long Island IVF patient. You can read more about Long Island IVF’s Mind-Body Program and counseling services here.

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Did you ever think any of the above thoughts? Or do you have others to share? Have you tried Bina’s support groups, and if so, what did you think?

Photo Credit: Stuart Miles and


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