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Archive for the ‘infertility and New Year’s Eve’ tag

Infertile Again on New Year’s Eve

By Tracey A. Minella

December 31st, 2014 at 2:17 pm


credit: stuart miles/

I know exactly what you want to do with that noise maker.

No one would blame you either.

When you’re battling infertility, the last thing most people want to do is party. Unless you’re determined to forget reality for a few hours, who wants to spend money we don’t have dressing up for some rip-off celebration where you’re crowded into a ballroom full of strangers, with bad food, bargain booze, and loud tacky music while fertile friends complain about what the babysitter is costing them?

Truth is…I never liked New Year’s Eve. I hate high heels…and am not really fond of strangers either. My well-done steak never arrives until the ball is dropping. And the group rendition of Sweet Caroline just doesn’t have the same old lure. You may have your own reasons to hate big New Year’s Eve celebrations. Reasons in addition to the obvious one…

Facing the passing of time, coupled with infertility, is a mood killer.

Here’s the best advice I’ve got: Boycott it! Yes, treat New Year’s Eve like any other night. Be a rebel and go to bed at 10. Or maybe have a romantic dinner before turning in early. Unlike many of the recent holidays, this is one where you can actually avoid family. And you can avoid the holiday itself, too…as long as you turn over the calendar the next morning. This might be best if 2014 was a particularly rough year full of losses.

Want to see people? Keep it small…with only those who truly support you…so you don’t find yourself having to fake a fun time or dodging questions about finally having a baby in 2015. A few close friends, great food and drinks, some funny board games or a good movie. Low-key.

Of course, if you do go out big time and some drunk asks if that’s a noise maker in your pocket or you’re just happy to see them, you know what to do.

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How do you feel about New Year’s Eve? A time to celebrate wildly? A time for quiet, casual fun? A night to hide under the covers?

What do you plan to do?



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Infertile on New Year’s Eve

By Tracey Minella

December 31st, 2012 at 9:26 am

credit: Simon Howden/

Let’s see who agrees with my theory on New Year’s Eve and Infertility:

The degree of depression an infertile woman feels on New Year’s Eve is directly proportionate to the number of New Year’s Eves she’s been trying unsuccessfully to conceive, multiplied by the number of complaining mothers and pregnant women she’s surrounded by that night.

In the beginning of my own long infertility journey, I had more hope. I’d be semi-optimistic about the future on New Year’s Eve…toasting my boxers-wearing husband with a champagne glass full of ginger ale. We were the “good” patients… ditching the alcohol, briefs, and any other vices that could have affected our odds of conceiving. So sure that by the next time the ball dropped, we’d be happily snuggled at home with our long-awaited newborn.

Time and losses can change you.

The glass of ginger ale is no longer half full. It’s half empty. And it’s dirty, too. Maybe it’s not even ginger ale anymore. Sometimes we fall off the “optimum fertility lifestyle” wagon and give in to those long forgotten vices. It’s not easy to live so long in a state of constant deprivation. No fun. And no baby.

Tonight, do what you need to do to make it the most bearable night you can…within reason, of course! If you want to stay in, stay in. Be alone or be with friends. If you want to go dancing to try to forget infertility for a night, do it. Go to bed early and skip it all. You don’t need to explain your choice to anyone. Be hopeful. Be depressed. Be whatever you are tonight. You don’t have to celebrate if you don’t feel like it. After all, it’s really just another night.

Regardless of what you do tonight, come tomorrow it will be a new year. It will be a year of hope, whether you feel it tonight or not.

So on your behalf… just in case you’re not feeling it… I will hope that 2013 will finally be your year.

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How do you look at New Year’s Eve? Do you feel hopeful, optimistic, or pessimistic? Do you have any tips or traditions that get you through it?


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