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Archive for the ‘Mother’s Day’ tag

The Best Way to Survive Mother’s Day When Infertile

By Tracey Minella

May 11th, 2017 at 12:19 pm

 

photo: ryanmcguire/ gratisography


This might seem unconventional for an infertility blogger to suggest, but…

Stop looking for something online that will make you feel better this weekend. Chances are it isn’t out here. And even if there was one special nugget of wisdom that might somehow ease your pain, you’ll have to sift through so much useless and painful content that your heart will be in shreds before you find that elusive gem.

The worst place you can be when you’re infertile is on social media on Mother’s Day. The day photos of moms and babies posted are multiplied 10,000 times more than the already unbearable daily number you endure. Why subject yourself to millions of pictures of mothers and children or hundreds of blog posts like this one – – trying and failing to make you feel any better? Please hide. Resist the habit of Facebook. Protect your heart.

Yes, I’ve been in your shoes, but it was before the hell that is social media. I only had to endure real life pregnant people and babies in my actual face—not the flood of thousands of them in my virtual face 24/7. You have it so much worse in that respect—though IVF success rates have soared since I did it. Our experiences are the same, yet different. Only other infertile women could understand how you are feeling–currently infertile women.

Ten stressed-out Mother’s Days without a baby I suffered. I have walked that long and lonely path you are on now, and I do remember it like it was yesterday. Yet I know my well-meaning words of hopeful advice– that I so want you to find comfort in today– can’t help but somehow fall short because I finally became a mom while you are still waiting for your day. I walked before you, and it’s frustrating to know that I can’t comfort you the way someone walking beside you can. So while I do remember, speaking to you from where I am now instead of where I was then makes my words just one small step above those of others not currently walking in your shoes. Maybe the words of one who succeeded at IVF, even after many, many failures and losses are as unwelcome on such a difficult day as the words of those who conceived easily and effortlessly.

So on this hardest day of the year I won’t try further than to say that I know you can get through this day and I’m sorry for your pain. There is no magic answer in this post or any of the others you may read about Mother’s Day.

Despite constant advances in assisted reproductive technologies, no one can promise you a baby this cycle or in the future despite the technology advancing with lightning speed. For me, not knowing if it’d ever work was the hardest thing. Had I only known for certain that at some point– even years away– I’d definitely have a baby in my arms, it would’ve made all the difference in managing the highs and lows during those 10 long years. But there is no crystal ball. While many people might become parents if they just kept undergoing treatment, many people’s wallets are exhausted before their spirit is ready to stop treatment—or even before they can begin it. That fear kept me up at night.

You know what you need to get through this day– and only you know what you need. Time as a couple, alone time, or time with family and friends. Do what you need to do so it will pass.

For what it’s worth, know that I and the many women who walked before you will be looking backwards on Sunday with hope and strength for you as you walk on. Strength to get through this day– and hope that by this time next year you will be looking back on your journey as well.

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The Best Way to Survive Mother’s Day When Infertile

By Tracey Minella

May 11th, 2017 at 9:06 am

 

photo credit: ryanmcguire/gratisography


This might seem unconventional for an infertility blogger to suggest, but…

Stop looking for something online that will make you feel better this weekend. Chances are it isn’t out here. And even if there was one special nugget of wisdom that might somehow ease your pain, you’ll have to sift through so much useless and painful content that your heart will be in shreds before you find that elusive gem.

The worst place you can be when you’re infertile is on social media on Mother’s Day. The day photos of moms and babies posted are multiplied 10,000 times more than the already unbearable daily number you endure. Why subject yourself to millions of pictures of mothers and children or hundreds of blog posts like this one – – trying and failing to make you feel any better? Please hide. Resist the habit of Facebook. Protect your heart.

Yes, I’ve been in your shoes, but it was before the hell that is social media. I only had to endure real life pregnant people and babies in my actual face—not the flood of thousands of them in my virtual face 24/7. You have it so much worse in that respect—though IVF success rates have soared since I did it. Our experiences are the same, yet different. Only other infertile women could understand how you are feeling–currently infertile women.

Ten stressed-out Mother’s Days without a baby I suffered. I have walked that long and lonely path you are on now, and I do remember it like it was yesterday. Yet I know my well-meaning words of hopeful advice– that I so want you to find comfort in today– can’t help but somehow fall short because I finally became a mom while you are still waiting for your day. I walked before you, and it’s frustrating to know that I can’t comfort you the way someone walking beside you can. So while I do remember, speaking to you from where I am now instead of where I was then makes my words just one small step above those of others not currently walking in your shoes. Maybe the words of one who succeeded at IVF, even after many, many failures and losses are as unwelcome on such a difficult day as the words of those who conceived easily and effortlessly.

So on this hardest day of the year I won’t try further than to say that I know you can get through this day and I’m sorry for your pain. There is no magic answer in this post or any of the others you may read about Mother’s Day.

Despite constant advances in assisted reproductive technologies, no one can promise you a baby this cycle or in the future despite the technology advancing with lightning speed. For me, not knowing if it’d ever work was the hardest thing. Had I only known for certain that at some point– even years away– I’d definitely have a baby in my arms, it would’ve made all the difference in managing the highs and lows during those 10 long years. But there is no crystal ball. While many people might become parents if they just kept undergoing treatment, many people’s wallets are exhausted before their spirit is ready to stop treatment—or even before they can begin it. That fear kept me up at night.

You know what you need to get through this day– and only you know what you need. Time as a couple, alone time, or time with family and friends. Do what you need to do so it will pass.

For what it’s worth, know that I and the many women who walked before you will be looking backwards on Sunday with hope and strength for you as you walk on. Strength to get through this day– and hope that by this time next year you will be looking back on your journey as well.

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Infertility, Mother’s Day, and Something Promising

By Tracey Minella

May 8th, 2016 at 4:59 pm

Hands down, Mother’s Day is the hardest day of the year if you’re an infertile woman. There are just too many ways you are suffering with hearts too heavy for words to soothe.

Most ache from the pain of not having children yet or of having suffered the loss of children through miscarriage, stillbirth, or death. Some suffer from not being able to have additional children and the lack of sympathy toward secondary infertility. Then, there are the painful assumptions of strangers wishing all women a “Happy Mother’s Day” and the agony of spending Mother’s Day in the company of women with young children. Finally, there is the special darkness that infertile women who have lost their mothers feel.

Nothing I say will help your heart feel better…so I will speak to your head instead.

I’ve got something more tangible than just hope that next Mother’s Day will find you pregnant or celebrating. Something promising that may make a big difference in your journey to motherhood.

What if I told you there is a time-tested, holistic treatment that may improve the chance of your IVF cycle succeeding? And what if the cost of that treatment was less than $200? And what if it might even help women who have experienced failed IVF cycles in the past? Would you want to know more?

I’m talking about fertility acupuncture. Long Island IVF’s Dr. David Kreiner is the only reproductive endocrinologist in the region who is also a certified acupuncturist. This treatment…an Eastern medicine therapy to complement Western medicine’s cutting-edge IVF technology…is now available to all IVF patients at Long Island IVF.

Why not promise yourself this Mother’s Day to learn more about whether fertility acupuncture is right for you? You can take back some of the frustrating lack of control over your fertility by learning about all the possible treatments that may optimize your family-building plans. It’s impossible to know for sure, but maybe this is the missing piece. You owe it to yourself to learn more.

Join us on Thursday, May 12, 2016 at our Melville office for an exciting Acupuncture Symposium and listen to Dr. Kreiner and a full panel of 7 other medical experts discuss how IVF success may be improved with acupuncture and holistic therapy. The event is free, but registration is required.

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Will we see you on Thursday night??

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Long Island IVF-WINNER: Best in Vitro Fertility Practice 2015 AND 2016

It is with humble yet excited hearts that we announce that Long Island IVF was voted the Best In Vitro Fertility Practice in the Best Of Long Island 2015 and 2016 contest…two years in a row!

The doctors, nurses, embryologists, and the rest of the Long Island IVF staff are so proud of this honor and so thankful to every one of you who took the time to vote. From the moms juggling LIIVF babies… to the dads coaching LIIVF teens…to the parents sending LIIVF adults off to college or down the aisles… to the LIIVF patients still on their journeys to parenthood who are confident in the care they’re receiving…we thank you all.

We love what we’ve gotten to do every day more than 28 years…build families. If you are having trouble conceiving, please call us. Many of our nurses and staff were also our patients, so we really do understand what you’re going through. And we’d like to help. 631-752-0606.

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Getting Real About Mother’s Day Blues

By Tracey Minella

May 9th, 2015 at 2:05 pm

photo: davidcastillodominici/ freedigitalphotos.net


I want to help and inspire you this Sunday. To mend the raw and broken heart that simply is infertility. To distract you from the emptiness that is Mother’s Day. And from the pain of losses suffered and prayers still unanswered.

But the words don’t come.

I lived it, too, for very many years. The memories are crystal clear. And still the words won’t come to make the worst day of the year any easier. So I’m going to ramble and share some thoughts from the heart.

This journey you’re on, that consumes your life and sucks you dry, will end someday. Yes, it will… even though it feels like it’s been this way forever and that it never will end.  But it has to, if you take the time to think about it. And for many it will end with a family. One built in the way you hoped, or in another way that through your evolution on your journey you will have come to accept. And it will feel like it was meant to be and the heavens will literally feel like they opened up and shone down on you just like in the movies.

But you won’t get these years back. I call the infertility years, “the hole”. It’s nearly a decade that I let some form of family-building consume me. When I look back, it’s an effort to remember the good times because I simply couldn’t allow myself to be happy or force myself to have fun. I let infertility rob me of more than it already had. It stole a decade of my life. Don’t let it do that to you. Trust that you’ll be a parent someday. Believe it. Because if it comes true, which it often does, you will have been able to find some happiness during the waiting years. And if it doesn’t come true, you are no worse off.

Celebrate your own mom on Mother’s Day because she won’t be here forever. Trust me, I know. I lost my mom before I got pregnant and could make her a grandmother. Same with my dad. Put the focus on her on Sunday. If it’s too hard, then see her today. Don’t get so lost in your own desire to be a mom that you forget to somehow celebrate the woman who is your mother.

Want a bit of a distraction? Do this project: Fill a mason jar with memories of your mom. Colorful tiny strips of paper with stories and traditions and qualities that you admire about her. And give it to her. What a priceless gift. Not feeling that? Then make one for yourself (or start a journal) with a list of all your plans and the qualities you hope to have as a mom. Baby names, nursery colors, favorite movies and books you’ll share. Activities you’ll encourage. Traditions you’ll start or continue. Add tidbits about this journey you’re on and how you’re feeling. These are therapeutic projects.

Follow your heart Sunday and do what you need to do to get through the day. Avoid places with children if that’s too hard to bear. Stay up late tonight and sleep extra late (cut that day in half!). Treat yourself in some way.

And listen to that heart as well. It’s telling you more than the grief and fear and frustration is letting you hear. There’s a voice whispering deep inside that makes you get out of bed each and every day, including tomorrow.

If you listen…really listen…it’s telling you that you are a mom-in-waiting. Hear it.

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What are you doing to get through the day? What/who are you dreading most?

 

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Long Island “Brew For the Family” Event- June 4, 2015

Would winning a FREE IVF Cycle door prize help you or a loved one build a family?

Join us on Thursday, June 4th, 2015 from 7:30-10PM at the Long Island Brew for the Family event hosted in partnership with the Tinina Q. Cade Foundation.

We have come together to spread the message that infertility can be overcome! Enjoy a night out and forget the stress of infertility as we sample craft beers at one of Long Island’s premier microbreweries, The Great South Bay Brewery. The evening will include a sampling of 6 beers, guided brewery tours with a master brewer, great food, music, and a silent auction.

Each admission ticket will include one entry into the drawing for a FREE IVF CYCLE* door prize. Be sure to invite your family and friends for even more chances to win, as the prize is transferrable.

To purchase tickets and learn more about this event please visit: www.librewforthefamily.eventbrite.com.

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Long Island IVF-WINNER: Best in Vitro Fertility Practice 2015

It is with humble yet excited hearts that we announce that Long Island IVF was voted the Best In Vitro Fertility Practice in the Best Of Long Island 2015 contest.

The doctors, nurses, embryologists, and the rest of the Long Island IVF staff are so proud of this honor and so thankful to every one of you who took the time to vote. From the moms juggling LIIVF babies… to the dads coaching LIIVF teens…to the parents sending LIIVF adults off to college or down the aisles… to the LIIVF patients still on their journeys to parenthood who are confident in the care they’re receiving…we thank you all.

We love what we’ve gotten to do every day more than 27 years…build families. If you are having trouble conceiving, please call us. Many of our nurses and staff were also our patients, so we really do understand what you’re going through. And we’d like to help.

 

 

Photo credit:  http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/Gestures_g185-Depressed_Woman_Sitting_On_Floor__p99322.html

 

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Mother’s Day: The Hardest Day of the Year for Those TTC

By Tracey Minella

May 13th, 2012 at 1:10 pm


Some of you are suffering from secondary infertility. You have a child, but can’t complete the family you envisioned without medical assistance. Maybe the child you do have was a result of medical assistance, so you understand the pain of those still on their infertility journeys. For those of you who are already mothers, Long Island IVF wishes you the happiest of Mother’s Days with your miracles.
But for those who are childless and TTC, Mother’s Day is the toughest day of the year to get through. It’s worse than the winter holidays, New Year’s Day, and your birthday. And if your own Mom is gone or if you lost a baby along the way, it’s unbearable.
Not having your family built yet can make you feel like you don’t fit in at whatever gathering you may have to attend today. It’s hard not to be bitter. It’s hard to bite your tongue at the insensitive comments.
It’s hard to know what’s worse…the moms who complain about the gift they got today, always criticize their kids, or (*gasp*) say they wish they didn’t have (so many) children. Or the women who nag you with nosy, personal questions about when are you finally going to have a baby? And let’s not even talk about those who complain about their “accidental” conceptions!
Today or tomorrow (or really any day), if you find yourself here, please feel free to vent.
If you bit your tongue today, please tell us what was said and what you wish you would have said in response.
If you didn’t bite your tongue, please, please, please share what your comeback was! Was it a cold glance, a look to kill, words of venom? Any furniture go flying? Hospital visits?
Or if you have any tips on how you got through the day, or interesting ideas on spending the day, please share those as well.
We’ll choose one comment to win a little gift card to help take away the sting a bit. Post your comments by Thursday night.
Here’s a tip from me for today: Tell yourself that this will be the last Mother’s Day you go through without a baby in your arms or on the way. (It may or may not be true, but you will feel better for today if you allow yourself to envision that is true.)
Thinking of you all today, mothers of the present and especially those wonderful mothers-to-be in waiting.

 

photo credit: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=22120&picture=mothers-day

 

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The “Make Us Gasp” Contest Winners Are…

By Tracey Minella

June 30th, 2011 at 1:44 am

Well, this sure was a tough contest to call!

There were so many absolutely jaw-dropping comments that it was all we could do to refrain from hunting down the morons who uttered them and hurting them on your behalf! But in the interest of a civilized society, we held back and hope that karma does it thing.

The five (5) winners will each receive the Invisible Loss CD and a VISA gift card. In addition, they (along with the winners from the April and August contest) will be eligible to win the Grand Prize of a free Micro-IVF cycle, which will be announced on Labor Day!

I’d like to thank everyone who entered. All of your comments were “gasp-worthy”. And they inspired great, supportive dialog here on the blog and on facebook…which is wonderful to see. We’re developing a nice community here and are so glad you are a part of it.

Please remember we have another, different contest coming in the beginning of August, with more winners to crown. It’s going to be our biggest one yet and will be a great, creative challenge for all of you. And as soon as that one’s over, we’ll be announcing the winner of the Grand Prize on Labor Day!

And I have yet another awesome contest in mind to take us into the winter. But I can’t reveal it since I haven’t told Dr. Kreiner just yet. But, hey, I know he’ll be on board with it! Oh, the secret is killing me!

Anyway, enough of all that. You’re here to see who won, right? Well, here are the 5 winning entries (in no particular order and in different font sizes depending on what forum their entry was submitted in), who finished the statement: “THE MOST SHOCKING THING ANYONE EVER SAID TO ME ON MOTHER’S/FATHER’S DAY WAS…”

Jen T

Cdubin

Danny Mack

Stacie Penny

Jenni B

Clerk on Mothers Day –
 Clerk:  No kids? Well, they say the problems in this life are a direct result of our actions from a previous life.
Me: …Great, I feel better knowing I’m to blame.  Does that explanation make you feel better about your inability to think before you speak?

As a pre-K teacher, I was hosting a mother’s day workshop.   I was given the pity eyes and told “Imirtz Hashem” by you, at the right time but very soon!”  (Imirtz Hashem being translated from Hebrew to English as G-d’s will.)   Now here comes the shocker, another parent saw I felt embarrassed and said to me, “I think you should give her the same “chizuk” (inspiring words), umm the next time you happen to see her at funeral!!!”

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The most shocking thing anyone ever told me on Father’s Day was, "Why should I wish YOU a happy Father’s Day? They’re not your REAL kids, you’re only a STEP Father!"  …and no, I never spoke to him again… 

Thanks for the therapy session. I haven’t told many people about that….although HE should be the one embarassed, not me.

"…You have rotten eggs anyways!…" WTH?!?!

The worst thing anyone has ever said to me on Mother’s Day… as I was hosting 40 people for Mother’s Day dinner my sister in law told me how it must be nice to have so much time on your hands to do what I want to do and how she has to prep everything once her four kids go to sleep.

Anyone who won needs to contact Lindsay by email at lmontello@eastcoastfertility.com to claim your prizes. In our last contest, one winner failed to follow the rules regarding timely claiming her prizes and another winner was chosen in her place!

Thanks again to all who entered and to all who help make this blog the supportive place it is. Please watch for new contests and feel free to suggest topics for future posts. This is your space.

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Last but not least, I always do something special on the last day of the month for the guys, but this month I had to do it a day sooner. But it sure was special…I got you guys hooked up with a guilt-free GNO (guys night out!) Well, it won’t be a man-cave thing, but I promise you’ll love it! I feel the testosterone in the air already!

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Reflections on Mother’s Day

By Tracey Minella

May 9th, 2011 at 12:00 am

I know yesterday was hell. Mother’s Day always is when you’re TTC. I’m sorry.

 

Did you have to host it? That was my favorite thing during the infertile years. (Smell the sarcasm?)

Having the mom and mother-in-law over for a great meal, and of course feeding whatever siblings didn’t get around to seeing mom privately. If you kept busy enough, maybe you wouldn’t notice the void infertility put in your life. Plus, when you’re the busy hostess, it’s not as obvious that you’re child-free as it is when you park your butt at someone else’s table and no one runs over from the kiddy table asking you to cut their meat. And the longer you can avoid sitting at the table, the less chance some oaf will say something hurtful or insensitive.

I am going to do 4 things here today. First, I will point out two things that are sadder than being childless. Then, a pep talk. Then, I will tell you the most insensitive comment I ever heard while TTC. And finally, I will give you a chance to vent about your most insensitive comment.

First, the only thing worse than being childless, is being childless and motherless.

Mother’s Day 1993 was very special because on that day I was featured in the very popular “Who’s Cooking” column in Newsday. There was a full page feature story, complete with a photo of me with my large cake shaped like a picture hat covered with flowers of icing and the inscription “Happy Mother’s Day’ on the cake. We didn’t tell our moms and by the time they got here for dinner, each had received congratulatory calls from their friends who’d seen the paper. My mom was beaming with pride. How will I ever beat this, I wondered? Well, I never got a chance to try. Unfortunately, that was my mom’s last Mother’s Day.

Second, do not assume that becoming a mom will solve all your problems or that you will live happily ever after.

Yesterday, my mind kept drifting to the sister of my sister-in-law. She is 49 with a 7 year old daughter and a 27 year old son. She has a brain tumor. Hospice is involved.  This was her last Mother’s Day. Only 49. A 7 year old girl. How in the world do you live through that Mother’s Day?

Pep talk: The next Mother’s Day is 364 days away. It couldn’t be farther. Plenty of time to have a baby, or to at least have one on the way. Stay the course.

Ok, now here’s my vent. Picture a big family gathering of maybe 20 in the dining room, including a cousin with newborn IVF twin girls who comes in with a long triplet stroller which also accommodates the older daughter. I’m still in the closet. Outspoken sister-in-law with two kids blurts out in total seriousness how she’d never waste $10,000 on fertility treatments. And that she just wouldn’t be a parent if it didn’t happen naturally. Really? You mean to say that your little girl isn’t worth $10,000 to you? Shocked. Still to this day. And the nerve to say it knowing the cousin just did IVF. Unforgivable.

Your turn now. What was the worst thing ever said to you or done to you related to infertility…either on Mother’s Day or another day?

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