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The Infertile Woman’s New Year’s Resolution

By Tracey Minella

January 1st, 2013 at 12:36 pm

credit; Simon Howden/

1. Have a Baby in 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013.

That’s it. Same old resolution. Can you even remember when it wasn’t the resolution?

I don’t know what’s more frustrating: Making the same resolution of having a baby or listening to others making their insignificant resolutions to lose the last 5 pounds of their baby weight. Could anything be more important than having a baby?

The frustration about listening to the resolutions of others…many of which are destined to fail due to a lack of real commitment… is that in most cases the resolutions could succeed if the maker wanted it badly enough. The powers to lose weight, quit smoking, or make more money… while not easy… are more often than not within the control of the person who says they want it.

For women who are infertile and unable to conceive without medical intervention, having a baby is not in their ultimate control. Sure they can get in good shape, eat well, take vitamins, and even update their dental health to maximize their chances. Then, if they can afford it, they can find a great Reproductive Endocrinologist, follow the prescribed protocol and… hope to get pregnant.

They can only hope.

Getting pregnant is not in their hands. It’s not a choice they can just make. The lack of control over the situation is maddening. And it’s even harder for those who need IVF and can’t afford it. It makes the goal flat out unattainable… unless a creative, alternative financing solution is found.

Yet we still make that same resolution because the hope of it coming true is what gets us out of bed each morning. So what can we do differently in 2013?

Perhaps we can start with a better mindset. And by that, I don’t mean forcing some bubbly optimism about the New Year if you’re not feeling it. I mean being realistic and balanced about it all. I mean taking the famous quote to heart about having the serenity to accept what you can’t change, the courage to change what you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. To calm the chaos a bit.

This month, the blog will feature posts that will help you focus on the balance of the above quote. To help you realize and accept what you can’t change, while giving you the courage to change the things you can. Real steps to help you release the negative and move you forward on the road to fulfilling that New Year’s resolution of having a baby. Empowering stuff.

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Do you have a specific plan to fulfill your New Year’s resolution this year?

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Resolving to Get Pregnant in the New Year

By Tracey Minella

January 7th, 2011 at 12:00 am

Chances are this isn’t the first year you’ve made the resolution that by this time next year, you will have a baby…or at least be pregnant. Finally.

So, we are one week into the New Year and others around you have already caved on their standard, boring, lame resolutions. But not you. You have a fierce determination to get pregnant.

If you’re early on in your "journey to the crib", you may be feeling hopeful, excited, and optimistic about the coming year. That’s wonderful! But if many balls have dropped (in Times Square, people!) with no baby to show, it gets harder to remain upbeat about the New Year.

Truth be told, I never liked New Year’s Eve or its resolutions very much, even before infertility. But as "the infertility years" wore on, I came to see it as the last sucker punch at the end of the long, depressing holiday season. It’s right up there…under Mother’s Day…as one of the hardest days of the year.

I tired of partying in a crowd of 300 happy drunks on birth control who were resolving to quit smoking or lose 10 pounds. I felt like everyone there either didn’t want kids yet, or had left them home with a sitter. I was jealous of the carefree life of the first group and felt only contempt for the parents who left their precious babies at home. If I had a baby, I’d want nothing more than to spend New Year’s Eve… or any eve… just watching it sleep.

So I traded in the club scene for Dick Clark on TV. And sometimes, I just went to bed… before midnight.

Then, one New Year’s Eve, we went to a nearby B&B just to change things up a bit. And as we cozied up in that antique four-poster bed, basking in the glow of the light bulb that glowed in the fireplace (seriously…would you think to ask in advance if the fireplace was real?) and watched yet another ball drop, I had a revelation.

There is no such thing as a New Year’s resolution to get pregnant!

That’s because resolutions are things you can control. They may take a lot of willpower and support. They may be damn hard. But they are ultimately in your control.

Unhealthy habits can be broken. But infertile couples can not get pregnant simply by resolving to do so.

Sure, I chose the best doctor and was responsible for following his instructions, but that’s not "control". And after I gingerly walked out of my transfers (that’s how we all walked out back then), it was out of Dr. Kreiner’s hands, too.

Here’s the two things I want to share about that revelation to help you cope with the New Year:

First, I cut myself some slack and let go of those feelings of failure that plagued me each New Year and the stress and pressure I’d put on myself for the upcoming year. You can’t fail at something you can’t control. So, don’t beat yourself up.

Second, I decided to make resolutions that I could actually control and feel good about achieving, which were somewhat related to getting pregnant or having a healthy pregnancy. Things like a healthier diet or more sleep. Maybe a few more massages. Sound good?

So, never underestimate the inspirational power of a light bulb fireplace.

May all your big dreams become little miracles in 2011!

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