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Archive for the ‘Surviving father’s day’ tag

Infertile Men are Fathers, Too

By Tracey Minella

June 17th, 2012 at 8:56 am

If you are a man who wants to be a father, but infertility is standing in the way, I don’t have to tell you how tough it is getting through today. If male factor infertility is all or part of the problem, there’s often an added level of misplaced guilt as well. And if you’ve lost your own dad along the way, the day is even worse.

I could tell you to take care of yourself today, but you’re probably more concerned about your wife or partner. How she wants the baby, the card and the homemade clay presents that Father’s Day is supposed to be about.

If you’re seeing your own dad… and siblings with children will be there… there can be guilt about not making grandchildren yet and the sense of urgency to do so while he’s still alive. But you will manage, despite the ache in your heart, to smile for your dad today and to play a little catch with those nephews.

And you may have to endure the insensitive and hurtful comments…sometimes directly targeted at your manhood… by ignorant brothers or in-laws. You know the ones. I won’t repeat them. But you’ll laugh it off to keep the peace and pretend it’s the barbeque smoke stinging your eyes.

Today I want you to know that you are a dad. You’re a father “in-the-making”.

Good dads are selfless. They put everyone else’s needs before their own. They take care of their wives and their parents. They often hide their pain. Without realizing it, some practice their “dad skills” on nieces and nephews. They get stronger by facing and overcoming adversity. Their commitment to their wife deepens by battling this challenge together.

All this crap you are going through… this journey… has either given you or fine-tuned all the traits you need to be a great dad someday.

So, Happy Father’s Day to a great dad-to-be. And I hope that next year will be the year of the baby to complete the deal.

To our patients who have already become fathers, Happy Father’s Day. Enjoy those miracles… and their homemade clay presents!

Happy Father’s Day to the wonderful doctor dads of Long Island IVF…great men and loving fathers/grandfathers who use their gifts every day to help build our families.

And finally, Happy Father’s Day to my husband Adam, not just for being the wonderful father I knew he’d be, but for hanging in there during the many years of our own 7 fresh IVF cycles journey to parenthood.

If winning a free Micro-IVF cycle (valued at $3,900.00) would assist you on your infertility journey, please enter Long Island IVF’s “Extreme Family-Building Makeover” Contest. Details are on the April 23, 2012 blog post or click here: http://blog.longislandivf.com/2012/win-a-free-basic-micro-ivf-cycle-in-long-island-ivfs-extreme-family-building-makeover-contest/

 

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Tell us how you get through days like this. Did anyone say something hurtful? How did you respond?

Photo credit: http://www.wpclipart.com/holiday/fathers_day/index.html

 

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7 Tips to Survive Father’s Day When You’re Infertile

By Tracey Minella

June 17th, 2011 at 12:14 am

We don’t always remember that wanna-be dads are hurting on Father’s Day the way we acknowledge the pain of wanna-be moms. So here’s seven suggestions to help the guys this weekend:

1.  Honor Your Father: If you are lucky enough to still have your father and are close enough geographically, be sure to visit him on Sunday. Sometimes you can get distracted by your own pain and your quest for fatherhood and take your dad being there for granted. Don’t do that. You never know if he will be here next year. And if visiting isn’t possible, be sure to call. Share a favorite memory from childhood. You’ll be glad you did.

2.  Get Proactive:  What can you do today that will help your fertility? Those tight briefs aren’t helping. Switch to boxers. Been meaning to quit smoking, stop drinking, or lose weight? Well, there’s no time like now. How about a long walk for exercise and clearing your mind? Any step you take to live healthier will make you feel better…even on Father’s Day.

3. Consider Charity:  Sometimes helping others less fortunate than we are makes us feel better about our plight and puts things in perspective. Trying to avoid the family barbeque with your 17 nieces and nephews and your 4 pregnant sisters? Why not help at a soup kitchen on Sunday? Or bring some school supplies or toys to a children’s shelter? Good karma never hurts.

4.  Pull the Plug on Procrastination:  What have you put off doing that might be delaying your fertility plan? Is there lab work or other testing you haven’t done? Have you put off the dentist or a medical check-up? Do you need to make vacation time arrangements at work so you can do IVF? And how many times have you tried to tackle the health insurance issues only to put the paperwork down again?

5. Take Care of You:  No one’s feelings are more important than yours and your partner’s. Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position on Sunday (or any day). Avoid people you know will likely upset you, whether intentionally or unintentionally. You must protect yourself.

6.  Positive Imagery:  Take some time alone to remind yourself of your good qualities and the reasons you are going to make a great father someday. Envision it but don’t dwell to the point of sadness. Write down 3 reasons why you will be superdad someday. Trust that it will be.

 

7. Enter Our Free Micro-IVF Contest:  If you blew off suggestion #5 and somehow found yourself in the company of a moron who said the most shocking and insensitive thing to you (or your partner) about being infertile, turn those lemons into lemonade! Enter the comment in our June contest and you could win one of 5 great prize packages, plus each of the 5 winners becomes eligible to win the Grand Prize of a free Micro-IVF cycle valued at $3,900.00!! Just go to the June 6th blog post right here on the fertility daily http://www.eastcoastfertility.com/about/blog/blog-entry/archive/2011/june/article/make-us-gasp-to-win-free-micro-ivf/?tx_ttnews%5Bday%5D=06&cHash=accae177179dffac86846a328eaa12b7 or on ECF’s facebook page from June 6th . It’s so quick and easy!

Last year’s contest winner and her husband are celebrating their first Father’s Day on Sunday. Will YOU celebrate yours next year? Why not increase your chances? (You don’t have to use your real name if you prefer anonymity.)

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